Bear's Audio Emporium Oneshots

shitpost.

Ruby:  oh hey i kidnapped you again

you:  again...?

Ruby: yeah

you:  get some help.

Ruby:  wan sum fuk?

you:  I'm  leaving?  

Ruby:  oh no if you leave i'll kill all your friends and family.

you:  ruby.  get some help.

~

to the tune of do ya wanna build a snowman.  (wtf is wrong with me.)

Ruby:  do you wanna have a bromance?

Alice:  Isn't that kind of gay?

Ruby:  no it isn't anymore

Alice:  I'm walking out the door.

Ruby:  No please don't go away.

~

Ruby:  I saw you hanging out with Alice again!

You:  Ruby!  Ruby it's not what you think!

Ruby:  I won't hesitate bitch.

~

Cedar:  Hey how much money do you have?

Ambrose:  Oh 69 cents.

Cedar:  Oh you know what that means~

Ambrose: *tearing up* i don't have enough money to for chicken nugget.

~

Uie:  Road work ahead?  Uhm yeah I sure hope it does.

~

Asuke:  Babe what's wrong?

Asuke:  Babe what's wrong.

Asuke:  Alright fuck it then

You: ohmigooodddd

Asuke:  OH MY GOD WHAT!?

~

You:  All the hot guys are either taken or mentally insane.

Alice:  I AM RIGHT HERE! 

~

Ruby:  Hey whassup my name is ruby imma teach you how to make cereal.

Ruby:  first you get some milk.

Ruby:  *opens fridge and sees Alice's head*

Ruby:  Annnd- OH MY GOD WE'RE OUT OF MILK

~

Ruby:  How to pick up girls.

Ruby:  *runs after random chick and snatches her up*

Chick: AHHHHH GET OFF OF ME!

~

Ambrose:  *singing in shower* *drops soap*

Ambrose:  *bends over to pick it up*

Ruby:  *behind him*

Ambrose:  AHHHHHHHHH

~

Kid:  Dad I'm scared!

Ruby:  Do you trust me son?

Kid:  Yeah.  *falls backwards*

Ruby:  *walks away*  Rule number 1 never trust anybody.

~

Ruby:  I don't know who you are.

Ruby:  But I will find you.

Ruby:  And I will kill you.

Alice:  *packs bags and leaves*

~

dude.

i got way too bored.

don't leave me alone or this is what happens lmfao