Three yellow roses

"Everything has changed

Yet I am more me

Then I'll ever be"

To my luminary,                                                                                                                       

10.17

It's been a while, and I can't seem to find my way. Maybe I'll see you again, and we can chat and talk again. When? I haven't a clue. But when we do, it'll be high in the clouds and everything will seem just right again.

- I miss you

                                                                                                                                                                                           10.18

You seem so distant. You seem so far. Maybe I haven't listened, but I can't hear us anymore. Maybe it isn't you, just me. I've drifted from the light and can't see where I'm going. My stars aren't shining bright, the moon is beginning to be a shadow. Where shall I go? What can I do? I have strayed from our path and cannot seem to find my way back. It is Tuesday, and I am drowning. You ripped my heart to pieces and used my last tear, you took my creativity and left me. Your fluorescent glow, and short blonde hair, and your embracing hug that made everything alright. You vanished in the dead of the night. You are gone, where did you go?

-I miss you

10.19

Why am I always tired? Did you take my sleep away from me too? You visit me there, in my dreams. You awaken me with fright, I see your glowing light, and then I turn over and you are gone. It's Wednesday and one more time I open my eyes, and this time I see the devils' glare staring back at me. What have you done? You are gone, and I can't change that, but why did you leave so early, your life wasn't done. In my most emotional times, I find fear putting on a show. Out beyond the stage, you sit in the back row; only you. I see your green sweater with the bluebird embroidered, and your jeans that sit just above your ankles. Oh, your ankles, they swell inside your compressed socks, and tied in your white oversized sneakers, your ankles they sit and retain water. You have always been in my darkest times bringing light, but where are you now? I am living in trepidation and there is no light, no angel silhouette. Nothing to guide me, no one to call, no one to write, no one to reply. All that I have is the whites of my eyes, looking out into the darkness and seeing no escape. Where have you gone? Maybe you are traveling between worlds and cannot hear my siren. Maybe you are resting in the clouds, and cannot feel my fear-stricken vibes. Maybe you have given up hope. Maybe...Maybe. But I need your warm words, bringing heat like a fire, I need your strength to teach me the right way. I have fallen down a dark hole, just like Alice, but let me tell you this is no wonderland.

-I miss you

10.20

It's Thursday, and I can't seem to find my energy. You had such a spark living inside you, a vibe no one else could send into the world. It was warm, it was dangerous, yet it was exactly what I always needed. I can't seem to find it again. The birds have left, the singing faded, and the sun dawned. Oh, where are the good times? When we sat on the deck and laughed and joked and talked about life with a bottle of root in our hand. Where are the times, when cards were bluffed, and faces were corrupt. Those memories are so warm, so full of joy; now all I see and feel is coldness. Yet the only question I have is why? Why did you disappear, why did you have to mend with my soul then rip it apart? Why should I be strong? You were my other half, and I lost you, down to the depths, left with only myself to blame. You always answered my calls and willingly chatted away, you waited patiently for me to arrive, but I never did. I never came home, I never got to say goodbye. You left me before I could embrace you one more time. You left me without a word, and when I traveled back from far and wide, I was too late. I regret my adventures, my selfishness, my poise. I lost the one I loved and I was too late, I was too late.