The Toe Stealer Trilogy

Stealing the Heart

It has been five yeets since the toe stealer came for my nine toes. He was able to get one before i threw myself out the window. I don't know when that happened, it just did, I don't even question it anymore in my ripe old age of 2 and 0. I have friends who tried to support me, but I shut them out. The experience...my toes...the stealer...the yeet...it's all too much. I need to find the toe stealer and take my toe back. In this world, it's either yeet or be yeeted, and I plan on doing the yeeting around here. My wife yells, "Hank you're scaring the children." ...but wait I don't have a wife or children. I don't even have all ten toes. Who will love me with only nine toes? The toe stealer will. I summon my one true love, the toe stealer. I thought I wanted revenge... but it turns out I only wanted love. The toe stealer appears in front of me. "Yes you called?" It whispers in it's deep, lovely, creamy, succulent voice. A toot comes out, I don't know who it comes from. "Zoinks. Better out than in I always say. I love shrek, almost as much as I love you. I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the toe stealer." I turn to the audience ad they cover their nose from the pungent smell that erupted from my behind. Anywho boo, I look back at the toe steaker... Yes steaker, cause he's one juicy piece of meat. We stare into each others eyes...but wait. Those ain't the right eyes. It's not the toe stealer. IT'S SHREK. All the sudden the large ogre grabs me by the toes and drags me into his swamp yelling "COME INTO MY SWAMP BIG BOI." Oh no. Yeet?

The end