The Toe Stealer Trilogy

Stealing the Ogre

My mama always told me my toes would get me kn trouble one day. I guess she was right. That's why I'm hanging from them in the den of SHREK'S hideout deep in the moisty swamp. It's the moistest moisty thing I've ever moisted. The smell of onions is thick in the air. Because he likes onions. He likes them onions. Mmmmmmmmmm. I tried to wiggle a little to get down, but I ended up making too much noise. The green creature came up to me. The smell of onions becoming stronger and stronger the closer he got. "What do you want," I whisper, voice quivering in fear. SHREK speaks in a rawr, "UR HAND IN MARRIAGE." But before the monster can come closer there is a sudden bright light, the onion smell disappearing. There he is, my one true love, the toe stealer. If I had a wife she would be jealous. "What are you doing here Toey?" I ask. "I came for the ogre's toes, but it seems he isn't here. Where did he go?"  he asked as he fell down with tears dripping down his face. "MY LOVE WHERE ARE YOU?"
"RIGHT HERE BIG BOI." SHREK bellows out making the toe stealer turn around in shock. The toe stealer came for SHREK's toes. He never wanted mine. How could I have been so foolish? I cry. He only used me to get to SHREK. His actual true love was the toes of the green ogre. I cry as my love embraces the toes of the ogre. Then the two faced me, looking into my eyes before looking at my toes. Then they eat me over a romantic dinner.
The end?

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE

I didn't really get eaten. Just my toes and ear wax. SO I lived out my life toeless, and haunted by the thought that I lost my true love to SHREK. And that they took my most treasured possession...MY EAR WAX. Oh and toes. I'm dead now from blood loss...and heartbreak. Bleh. Who cares anyway...not the toe stealer.

The end (finally)(maybe)(For real though that's the ending)