Closer We Grow

Late Night Talks

Icarus woke up a while ago, it’s about three in the morning now. He’s restless and can’t stop thinking about the times he’s gone primal. Each memory, dancing in his mind, whispering one thing after another. “you'll never improve” “just give up already” is what they say. After rolling around for another 10 minutes, he gets up and decides to walk around. Thinking that the stars will help the thoughts go away. He puts on a sweatshirt and walks up to the roof.

As he walked onto the roof, he sits on the edge. Looking out he can see city lights in the distance. He admires the lights for a little before laying on his back, his feet still hanging off the building. He looks at the stars, wishing so desperately he could fly up there and touch them. He just wants to be up there, forgetting about everything around him.

He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t notice someone else walk up and over to him while he lies there. When long, black hair comes into his view he truly notices.

“What are you doing up here, Loki?” Icarus asks, sitting up.

“I can ask you the same thing,” Loki responds, sitting next to him.

“I just couldn’t sleep. That’s all,” Icarus says, looking back over the horizon.

“Is that really all?” Loki asks, not believing him. “I talked to Tony earlier, he and I both noticed you acting weird during our outing today. He said those people were your parents. I’m sorry you had to see them again Icarus. I know parents aren’t always the best.”
Icarus doesn’t move, his eyes glaring into the city lights.

“Did he tell you anything else?” Icarus asks, anxiety spreading throughout his body.  It was common knowledge around the compound that Icarus’ parents kicked him out so Loki understood why Icarus wouldn’t want to see his parents. It just wasn’t common knowledge that he was trans. He knew Tony wouldn’t out him but he’ll still get nervous about it.

“No, it was just that,” Loki responded.

Ever since they really got close to each other they were always able to tell when the other person is upset. Their friendship grew over that. They could always rely on each other to know when the other person needs to be alone or when the noise is getting too much for them. They grew a bond of trust. A bond of admiration for each other. While Loki doesn’t show that much affection and when he does it’s through small gestures, one can still tell it means a lot.

Icarus stays quiet. He just wants to get away. He wants to be up in the sky. That’s what he’s going to do, then. He can be with the stars, he may have pulled a muscle but he can still fly. He takes off his sweatshirt, spreading his wings out.

“Icarus, you pulled a muscle. You can’t fly,” Loki said, looking at him.

“I don’t care. I can still fly, even for a little bit,” he said as he scooted off the edge, falling for a few seconds before starting to move his wings. After a second flap he felt a pain in his wing. It caught him off guard and he dipped a little. It made Loki focus more on him, ready to grab him and get back on the roof.

The pain got too much for him. He needed to stop. He made it back to the roof only dipping twice more.

“Icarus. I fucking told you not to do that,” Loki said, standing up and going over to where Icarus was “Why did you think that was a good idea?”

“I just. I want to get away,” Icarus said, pulling his wings back to is body. He doesn’t bother to put his sweatshirt back on, though. The cold breeze feels good on his skin.

“I know Icarus. I know,” Loki said, pulling Icarus to sit down next to him. They were sitting back on the ledge, both their eyes focusing on the bright lights in the distance.

“What’s going on?”

“It just feels like everything I’ve ever done wrong is coming back to haunt me and that no matter how hard I try I’ll never be good enough. I already know that second part is true, though because I can’t even get an animal to attack another one before going primal. You know the warning signs I have?” Loki Nods “I’m ignoring them! I keep telling myself that I’ll get it before I go primal and that they’ll go away but they don’t. They don’t go away and I end up ruining everything. I just want to get away from here. I can’t, though. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tony and Peter and Thor and everyone here, I just want to be up there. I want to be with the stars, not worrying about a thing. I don’t want these thoughts in my head anymore,” Icarus said, his eyes were fixed on the sky above.

“Icarus, I know it’s hard. Everyday you just want to get away a little bit more, and some days it’s a lot bit more, but you have to keep going. Like you said, you love everyone here, you gotta keep going for them. It’s easier said than done, for sure, but you still just gotta...power through it. Just until you get to the end of the tunnel. You can take breaks in between. You can have your bad days, but you have to keep getting back up. Get back up for Peter, for me, for Tony. Get back up so we can see you each day. I know you’ve had an impact on everyone here. I mean, you managed to get the Avengers to trust me! You’ve done so much for me. I want to do the same for you. Please let me help. Even if that help is just being there to listen, let me help you get to that light at the end,” Loki said, desperation filling his voice in the last part.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” Loki scooted closer to Icarus, putting his arm around his shoulders “please, just wait to fly until it’s healed. I’ll spend more time around the compound until then.”

“You don’t have to. I’ll be okay, really,” Icarus said, not wanting Loki to feel forced to spend time with him.

“It’s no problem, Icarus. I want to spend time with my friend. Is that so wrong?” Loki asks, raising an eyebrow and smirked.

“I guess not,” Icarus chuckled, leaning into Loki’s shoulder.

“That’s what I thought,” Loki said as he held Icarus tighter.

Loki knows Icarus likes to feel someone’s touch. Whether they’re in a relationship or if it’s just a friendship. Loki knew that Icarus will melt into anyones touch. He knew that Icarus’ back was off limits, though. He always puts his arms around Icarus’ neck or lower waist when they hug, just to not freak him out. It truly means a lot to Icarus. He’s glad him and Loki became friends. Icarus noticed a while ago that he may, may have a crush on the god, but he decided to push it down. He’s just happy knowing that they’re friends and he wouldn’t trade anything for that friendship. Well, except for a relationship, but that’ll never happen, but like Icarus has said before, it’s okay.

They stay like that for a little while, watching the city lights dance in the night sky. About an hour had passed before Icarus fell asleep. Loki took notice of this and, as carefully as he can, picked up Icarus bridal style and carried him to the room he came from. There, Loki laid him down on the bed and turned to walk about of the room. As he was walking out, though, Icarus grabbed his wrist, looking at him with pleading eyes.

“I...I don't want to be alone tonight. Please, just stay until I fall back asleep.”

Loki sighed “okay, Icarus,” he said “scoot over. If I’m staying here I might as well lay down,” Loki says, walking to the other side of the bed, laying down next to Icarus. Icarus rolls onto his side, his back facing Loki now.
“Icarus, come on. We’ve literally cuddled and watched movies before, you don’t have to have your back facing me,” Loki said, gently placing a hand on Icarus’ shoulder.

Icarus chuckles slightly, “You have a point,” he says as he rolls over to face Loki. Loki pulls him close enough so he can comfortably drape an arm over Icarus’ lower waist.

“Goodnight, Icarus.”

“Goodnight, Loki,” and with that being said, Icarus fell back asleep.

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Sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes, its about 3AM when I proof read and posted this chapter. haha.