When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was that I had a pounding headache and horrific pain up my arm from laying on it in my sleep. I turned my head to see if Scarlet was still in bed but she wasn't there and her bed was made. I then turned my head towards my nightstand and there was some medication along with a bottle of water and a note saying 'I think you may need these, badly. Hope you feel better soon! -S'. She was right. I did need them badly.
I toke the medication and managed to make my way down the stairs without hurting too much. When I got to the kitchen, I saw another note from Scarlet. It read 'Gone to get more food, here's some coffee though! -S'. I picked up the coffee that was still warm and went to sit on the couch. It didn't hurt as badly as I thought it would. I watched television for a while and then decided to get a shower.
When I got in, the water hurt at first, but then it started to numb away from the water pressure. It felt good to be numb; not feeling anything but knowing it was happening. I let my mind go blank and relaxed.
I looked at my body in the mirror when I got out. My front side was almost completely bruised, I had cuts all along my right side from the rocks I was on. My back was alright, I guess the wall had been nicer to me than I thought it was, I was thankful. My face was a wreck though, you couldn't tell it was me behind all the discoloration. My lip was cut quite a bit and the dried blood didn't help.
As I looked at my reflection, a thought came to mind; Scarlet would never love me. I look like a disaster. I don't blame her if she kicks me out.
I went back onto the loft after I got dressed in a half decent outfit, when I heard Scarlet in the kitchen.
“Don't come over. You'll just make things more stressful for me” she paused, I guessed she was on the phone. “Look, I'll meet you somewhere tomorrow okay? I've got to go. Goodbye.” she sighed angrily and turned around to see me leaning on the railing.
“Hey Tyson”
“You sound frustrated. Everything okay?” I didn't want her to have too much stress because of me.
“Yeah, its just Conrad, he keeps asking me to meet him. I'm just not sure I should.”
She was seriously considering going out with him? I couldn't let that happen. But I didn't want her to be stuck here. “Why not? Go see what he's like.” the last thing I wanted her to do but sometimes you need to put yourself last.
Scarlet scrunched her nose and said “I guess, yeah, I think I will. Thanks Tyson” she smiled and turned to face me.
She unlocked her phone and sent a text. I watched her do a slight smile, meaning she obviously liked him. Gag me. I thought.
I guess I was never meant to be happy, just to try and bring happiness to others. I wanted to leave the apartment but where would I go? I'd scare children and people would just question me.
Scarlet sat on the couch and decided to put on some reality show. She didn't notice me looking at her as I daydreamed being able to put my arm around her, kissing her cheek, making her smile, cuddling with her on a winter day. All I wanted was to be her love. For her to love me back. But now there was Conrad in the way.
Maybe I jumped to too many conclusions in a matter of seconds, or maybe realizing things is what hurt the most, not the bruises, not the scraps, not the physical pain, but the emotional. The feelings you have for someone, the ones that pull at your heart, play with your mind, makes you believe in something that doesn't exist.
“Why are you staring at me like that? Should I be scared?” I heard when I finally clued back into reality.
“Sorry, I was just thinking about things. I didn't realize I was staring at you, sorry...” I let my voice trail off because of the embarrassment.
“Okay then, anyway, I'm going to Starbucks to meet up with Conrad, I'll send you a text when I'll be back” she smiled as she walked towards the door.
“Alright, see you when you get back.” I said even though she was already gone.
I turned around and sighed. I grabbed my iPod off of my desk and plugged it into the dock. I put on She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 and sat on the floor, slight pain in the movement.
“Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while” I sang at the top of my talentless lungs.
“And she will be loved. And she will be loved. And she will be loved. And she will be loved”
Around 10 is when I was singing 'Terrible Things' by Mayday Parade and my medication was starting to wear off so I was having the little screeches in between lyrics. I managed to walk over to my night stand and take a few pills, and sang along after the pills were down. “She said, 'Boy can I tell you a terrible thing?It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks. Please, don't be sad now, I really believe You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me'”
As I finished the verse, I turned around and saw Scarlet standing at the top of the stairs. I stumbled backwards and landed on the bed. She walked over to, sat down next on the bed to me and looked me in the eye. I thought there was something with the way she was looking at me; love, lust, hope, sympathy. I couldn't tell.
“So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose, if given the choice, then, I'm begging you, choose; to walk away, walk away, don't let her get you, I can't bear to see the same happen to you.” she sang carefully, looking me in the eye. When she finished, she kissed me gently on the cheek, giving me a wave of goosebumps. When she sat back up, she gave me a humble half smile and I shrugged and sat up, then turned the music down.
“How did meeting with Conrad go?”
“Alright I guess, but he's coming on extremely strong. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.” she looked down at the floor, still sitting on my bed in skinny jeans and her jacket.
“I'm sure you'll find someone” just look in front of you “Especially with your enthusiasm, you'll find someone that will make you smile everyday” yeah, me.
“Thanks Tyson” she kissed me on the cheek again. Is she trying to kill me?
I got up and put on Without You by My Darkest Days. I then turned towards Scarlet and said with sudden confidence “May I have this dance?” I bowed in front of her and offered my hand. I was expecting her to laugh but to my surprise, she accepted it.
Scarlet stood up and placed her right hand on my shoulder, her left in my right and my left on her hip. She followed my lead and we danced. Not like a middle school awkward dance, but more of a fairy tale ballroom dance.
In those few minutes, the world didn't matter, Conrad didn't matter, my dad didn't matter, my bruises weren't there, last night was a dream. Nothing else existed, not even her not knowing I loved her. t felt like I was meant for those few minutes. I was alive with the movements that flowed so smoothly. It felt like any flaws that were carved into my body disappeared, like these could be the final seconds of my life and it was okay.
When the song was ending, I gave her a twirl and she smiled so honestly. I hoped she felt the same way I did, she deserved it a lot more than I did, any day.
The song ended and there was a pause and then Some Nights by Fun. came on and we just smiled and started singing along at the top of our lungs. I had to sit down half way through the song because I was out of breath. I couldn't stop from laughing at Scarlet who was 'dancing' like I wasn't there. She knew how to have fun without anything but a good song.
