Black and White. (Larry Stylinson One Shot.) {No Hate}

Sometimes I feel lonely, kinda like I'm all by myself. Like when I go to sleep or doze off for those five minutes at a time, that when I wake up everyone that I know, saw and loved would be gone. Just like that.

With no condolences or goodbyes. No explanations or letters. Just alone.

But, sometimes it isn't so bad. At times I can take pleasure in being like that, left alone for hours and days at a time. Thinking about how it could soon turn into weeks and months, then off to years. But I never get farther than that.

It is kinda like when you turn eighteen and you move out or go to college and stay away from your parents for years but then you think of the possibility that they could be gone forever. Drifting away without you even knowing. A facade. A mask.

Thinks of it as your parents telling you that after school you're going to go pick out your own puppy. That's all you can think about until it consumes your mind and nothing else passes through. And you pick the perfect one to take and then it's ripped from you and you're told you can't have another pup ever again.

At the time, you want to cry. Want to know why you were not allowed a puppy.

I think of the possibility of never even seeing all of those people and I'm suddenly jolted from my daze. But, when I see them, why does it feel like I want a black hole to just consume me? Why do I feel the need to go back and start the process all over again and do it right.

Why?

Why do I stay in confinement all day? In the shelter of my room locking doors and just sitting there. For hours. With nothing but my mind as an entertainment source.

Why do I drive myself insane with the thoughts in my head.

Because life is like the blurred dots of ink you see in those cliche movies when you go to a therapist. They ask you what you see. You see nothing. Life isn't meant to be clear but so many people think that they see it clearly. No one can really see it clearly. Life is meant to be black and white.

Unexplainable.

Unforgiving.

Undescribable.

Amazing. Yet, how can we be sure that it isn't just a dream.

I didn't always use to be so... like I was now. I know that all of these things I am saying. Well, they are true.

I didn't use to know it but, now I do and I wish things could have been so much different.

I use to see life as an open book that if you look closely enough that you'd see what was meant to happen. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to happen that way.

I had sacrificed stuff that I thought nothing of that before would've been my greatest treasure.

I used to interact with my family and friends but now, I just shut them out as to not get to attached and screww up everything.

No friends means no attachments and that means no rejecting anyone.

No screwing up anyone elses life.

I had just sat there and watched like the bloody bastard I am as the love of my life pleaded for help.

I was crumbling. I knew it but I didn't let it show

He was sat pleading for my help as the held the gun up. I just stood there smirking.

And now, I felt like I was gonna break. Which wasn't very far from the truth right now.

They held the gun and shot him. I turned them in to the police but it didn't feel enough and I knew it wasn't enough. Only a life could repair the damage. Not even then.

But sadly enough, that's what I was doing here right now.

On my knees, on top of his grave reading the tombstone.

"Here lies Harry Edward Styles..." I couldn't read further though just trying to process it myself.

I know this won't be enough but here goes.

'I am so sorry for the way I treated you Hare-bear. I probably don't even deserve to call you that anymore. This won't do anything but rub salt on an open wound but, I love you. I love you so god damned much and my sorry arse is here on earth when it should be you living a happy life and me six feet down under. My life is to far from happy though to ever get it back. I don't think you could possibly ever forgive my but, I can try. And I won't stop. In heaven or hell, I'll still be trying Haz. Trying to earn your forgiveness. Trying to belive that you were perfect. You were always so unsure of yourself. But, you never saw it. The way you made people smile, the way that you were the only perfect thing to ever be. From your green eyes that were always so deep you thought they were wierd. I thought they were beautiful. Your nose that you said was to big, just right. And your smile, your laugh. Along with your personality. The way you bit your lip when you were sad, angry, anxious, excited, jealous, or concentrating. It all drove me insane. So, here goes Harry. From this moment I will do anything to get you to forgive me death or not. Here goes,"

I raised the knife/razor and slit my wrist deeply to be sure before I fell backwards on the grass.

I managed to think one more thought before I passed out,

"I love you Harry. So much. Here we go, so don't ever forget it."

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One shot is finished and there is not hate behind where this story came from I would actually be devastated and crying if this actually happened or something along the lines so don't think that.

This is all my imagination and I just decided to put Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles in it just because and any occourances this has with real live sittuations is completely coincedental(?) and has nothing to do with the real life occourances.

This is not edited and was wrote at 2 am in the morning.