Gifted

Chapter 3: Possibilities

Bella looked up from her book (a biography of Neil Armstrong) and surreptitiously glanced in the direction of the sniggering. A group of kids, high school level by the varsity jacket one of them wore, were chatting and laughing and obviously not getting much studying done. They were sitting in the middle of the young adult area. Bella, as always, was tucked into the most remote corner she could find-in a library, usually this was the genealogical or local history room.

She couldn't hear what they were saying, but it was their faces that Bella was drawn to, not their words. They were animated, bright, full of life. She tried to picture herself at their table, laughing and talking amongst them. She imagined herself with regular teenage problems...grades, boys, parents. 'What would it be like to study with my friends,' she pondered. 'Or gossip about the latest crush? Or complain about my parents? What would it be like if my biggest worry was what dress I was going to wear to prom?'

She knew better than to go along this line of thinking, she thought as she frowned to herself. Hell, all these things she was wondering about...she didn't actually know if they were really what other kids dealt with. After all, she only knew about them from reading crappy teen books.

'Oh don't kid yourself,' she thought bitterly. 'Even when things were normal, you still didn't have friends. What makes you think it would have changed at all? It probably would've gotten worse.'

It was a cheap excuse, she knew, but it helped dull the ache a little. The truth was, even though she was a bully magnet as a child and probably would have experienced the same or stronger levels of intolerance as a young adult if she had stayed in the same school system, Bella still longed for that hypothetical life she knew she could never ever have. The odds couldn't have been that impossible, could they? Surely, if she had spent the last seven years with other kids...surely she would have made one single friend?

Her stomach coiled, both from hunger and emotional pain. Steady, she thought to herself. She looked at her watch. It was almost closing time. She put her books away and quickly walked out of the building and a little ways away. Finding a dry spot, she sat down and ate a granola bar and some dried fruit. Yum, she thought sarcastically. Hopefully there would be some lunch meat or something more fulfilling in the staff fridge...

She could hear them. Immediately, Bella's heart started to speed and she quickly ran down her options. It was 9:00 and the kids were lounging outside, waiting for their rides most likely. They probably wouldn't notice her, much less talk to her, but still she had to plan what her next moves would be.

"Dude, my parents have been unbearable lately! They're making me take practice tests every week! I actually dread the weekend now," said one of the boys.

"Hey at least your folks are trying to help you," a short, dark haired girl said. "I've explained the SATs to them like a thousand times, and they still don't get how important prep classes are. I'm doomed!"

"You guys, chill!" Another girl exclaimed. "You both get, like, amazing grades already. You'll be fine! Even if you don't study at all Jules, you'll probably ace the SATs. And Dave, I'll bet my left leg you'll be the youngest doctor in the state when you're done."

The first boy smiled. "Doctor Dave. I like the sound of that." He laughed and pretended to check one of the girls' lungs with an imaginary stethoscope.

"Ew, you perv!" someone shrieked, though she sounded like she was enjoying his attention.

"What about you, Em? Thought about what you'll do after graduation?" Dave asked.

"Ugh, yeah." The last girl, Em, said. "I actually faked a college application, you know for fun and to see what the real thing looked like. I can't believe the amount of paperwork! And how much they want to know about your school activities? I mean come on! And now I have to get my dad to get off his ass and the chick he's shagging-don't give me that look Jules, I have a right to bitch about this...that whore is almost as young as we are!-to get him to fill out his portion of the application. Seriously, it'd be easier if he was dead."

"Ookay, thanks for the images Em. But I was asking for what you think you'll major in," said Dave.

"Oh," Em said sheepishly. "Law. Then I can sue his ass." She grinned.

A car approached the kids then, and they all piled in laughing their heads off from a joke Bella didn't hear.

A minute later it was quiet once again. This is when she'd normally make her way to the unlocked window to the basement storage room, but tonight something held Bella back.

How long could she keep this up? She had been hiding, running, sneaking around for so long it was second nature to her now. But did she really want to spend her entire life like this? She had exiled herself for a reason, but she was so good at controlling her..herself now. She hadn't lost control in months, and when she almost had she was able to stop herself before anything happened. Doesn't that mean, she gulped at the implications, that she could go home?

Of course not, she thought, and the anguish of the sudden emotions that hit her had her keeling over and clutching at her stomach. How could she even think that? She had no home to go to. And the person that, maybe, possibly-no, no, it was impossible. How could he ever forgive her? She remembered that night so clearly. Too clearly. She clenched her jaws. Figures, she thought, that her photographic memory would begin on the one night she'd do anything to forget.

No. Her father was not an option. But how else could she move forward? She needed to go to school. Get an education. Work and earn a living, a real one. To do that she needed to graduate high school at the very least. She needed a parent to speak on her behalf so she could get started. She shuddered at the idea of walking into a social services office. She'd read too many horror stories for that to ever be an option. Not at her age anyway, and certainly not with her...peculiarities.

This was the first time since the incident that she even considered the idea, the possibility of seeing her father again. She tried to brush the thoughts away but the germ had already spread, and she couldn't help but dream of a new life.

She thought of little else as she entered the library. As if her wandering thoughts were now controlling her muscles, Bella made her way to the row of public computers. She pulled up a search engine and typed: "Charlie Swan".