lost.

chapter one.

"How can I sleep if I don't have dreams? I just have nightmares. How can it be? I still believe something is out there."

You cannot trust anyone.

Those were the first words that came into my head when I woke up.

I looked at my alarm clock. It was almost half past five.

Damn it, I only slept for like 4 hours and I'm tired as fuck.

I'm sorry.

I kept hearing his voice in my head. Over and over. It wouldn't stop.

Don't look for me.

It wasn't real, it couldn't have been real. Not possible. It had been just another dream.

It had been a nightmare. I have them all the time. It's one of the main reasons why I don't sleep well. I'm just scared. I know that sounds dumb, they're just dreams. It isn't real.

But sometimes, they just seem so real. Too real.

Some of them are alright. I'd get scared right after I'd wake up but when I realise it was just a dream, it's fine.

But others, they haunt me even when I'm awake. They keep coming back. They're the reason why I'm too scared to fall asleep at night.

Do you understand?

I wanted to scream. I wanted it to stop. It felt like I was living through a nightmare. The words scared me. But that wasn't the worst part.

It was real. Or atleast it felt real. And it wasn't just the words, but the sound of his voice... He sounded so intense. Something was off. Forreal.

I decided to check my phone, to see if anyone had actually called me last night. Just to be sure.

Please don't be real, please don't be real, please.

Five missed calls. One answered.

Shit.

That wasn't his voice again. It was mine.

Shit shit shit.

I tried to remember everything that had happened last night. But all of sudden I barely remembered anything. I only remembered some parts of it.

I remembered the words.

I remembered him.

It couldn't have been him. Maybe it was just someone else. I was probably really tired.

But that voice, I knew it so well. Even if I was tired I...

It couldn't have been him.

I tried to understand. I wanted to know what was going on. I was so confused. No, that was definitely an understatement. I didn't even know what to think.

Maybe it was just someone from school. Yea, that was probably it. They go to parties all the time and they drink. I used to go to parties all the time. There was this party last night. Maybe this guy just drank to much. He probably wasn't thinking clearly. It calmed me down a bit. Maybe this wasn't as bad as it seemed.

But I had a feeling. A bad feeling. Something told me that some terrible things were going on.

And this was just the beginning of it.

My alarm went off. Six am.

Summer was over, today I had to get back to school. It was literally the last thing on my mind at the moment.

I hate it, I hate school. It's not just because of homework and tests. I mean, there's no point really. I don't want to be a maths teacher or a doctor. But it's fine.

I don't like the people.

It's not that I'm an outsider. Far from that, actually. I'm so called 'popular'. And I hate it.

Most people don't care about me. They care about the idea of me. The idea of a pretty girl with a lot of friends. The idea of being friends with the popular girl. Just the idea of me.

They don't actually care about me as a person. Not a lot of people do, really. I'm loved by everyone yet they couldn't care less about me.

And honestly, I think that's worse than not having any friends.

I'd rather be unnoticed, all by myself. Instead of having all these people acting like they love me.

I'd rather be hated.

I do have some friends, though. I like them, they are alright I guess.

I mean, it's not like I really let them in. I just hang out with them. And they hang out with me. That's it.

It has always sort of been this way. Everyone wants to be friends with me but they don't want to actually get to know me.

And I just can't let them in. Sometimes I feel like I can't let anyone in. Or maybe I just don't want to.

I've never really had anyone to take care of me. My dad was never around. Always at work. He took off when I was twelve, dissapeared or something. And I don't even remember anything about my mom, he never talked about her. I've basically raised myself.

I live on my own now. I hate it here. I'm sad. Every night before I go to bed, I feel like somebody is watching me. It doesn't feel like home.

I don't belong here, I'm lost.

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A.N.

Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I'll upload more soon. If you liked it, please don't forget to vote and leave a comment. Thanks!