Ghosts// S.M

33

The day slowly past by as I sat in the office, it was raining outside which was strange as it was a few days into April and it never rained in LA in the summer, but I blamed it on climate change as I did everything else that involved weather.

I was tired, I had worried all night and had no idea why, a knot had formed in my stomach and I felt as if I was going to cry, as I lay next to a calm Shane. I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands, trying to figure out waht was going on.

I hated feeling this way, I could feel my depression slowly taking over me again and I felt selfish, because I hated my life being about myself. I sighed quietly and turned off my computer, stood up, grabbed my jacket and left.

Once the door slammed shut behind me, I walked to my car and climbed it. Turned the music up as high as possible and made my way into the free way, I drove fast, completely out of my own mindset. I drove for what seemed like hours and finally pulled into a rest stop when I felt like I was going to pass out.

I pulled my phone out from my pocket and checked the time, 1:32 am, I stared in shock at the numbers. I had left the office at 6 and have been driving ever since. I swallowed hard and looked through the countless missed calls and text messages, I shakily pressed Lilly's called Id and waited for her to answer.

"Oh my god Ivy! Where are you! We're all worried sick!" She yelled down the phone and that's, when I finally broke down.

"I don't know! I have no idea where I am, I've been driving at 70 for the past six hours and I had no idea, I just drove! I'm so scared Lilly! I can't do this anymore." I whispered the last part and Lilly breathed.

"Lilly. Turn back round and come home, take the way you took to get there." Lilly whispered and I nodded, starting the car up. I kept Lilly on the phone as I drove, not taking my eyes off the road until, I finally got home.

"I'm going home." I whispered as She brought be into a hug and held me tightly to her. Once she pulled away she looked at me confused.

"You are home." She said but I shook my head and smiled a ghost of a smile. She nodded her head and I walked up to my room, booked the closest flight to Glasgow and packed my bags. The guilt and hurt inside of my chest, made me feel sick and I just wanted it to be over. I grabbed a piece of pen and paper from my notebook and sat down on my bed.

'Dear bub,

I never thought I'd write a letter, to apologise for loving someone so much, but I am sorry. Because I love you so much and I don't want you to get hurt, so I'm going to go away for a while. I'll be back but I just need time, something you can't really get around here.

This is stupid and I feel terrible for doing this, but I just don't think here is the right place for me at the minute, I've never gotten the time after I left HIM, to fully pull myself back together. So sadly, the time when I should be the most happiest, is the time where I am not.

I love you so much Shane and I will never not love you, you make everyday easier and I'm so glad to have you in my life. I'm sorry for springing this on you and being so dramatic. It was never supposed to be this way.

Love Ivy'

I swallowed hard as I finished the letter, the tear drops that fell from my eyes, leaving dramatic marks on the paper. I closed my eyes tightly, folding the letter and writing his name on the front. I grabbed my bag and suitcase and looked over to the door to see Pepper, who stared at me curiously.

"I'll be back soon, Pep. Shane will take great care of you." I whispered, pressing a kiss to the dogs forehead. Before walking down the stairs.

"You're really going?" Lilly whispered and I noticed Richard standing in the living room, watching the two of us.

"Yeah." I croaked out and she just smiled softly, before pulling me into a tight embrace.

"I love you so much, Ivy." She cries and I just smiled and hugged her even tighter.

"I love you too, Lil." I whispered as I held her for a few minutes. When I pulled away, I turned to Richard who wore a saddened look. "I love you too Rich, although I never say it."  I said with a laugh and he just smiled and pulled me into him.

"I love you too, V." He said, pulling away from the short hug. He straightened himself up and I turned back to Lilly.

"Can you give this to Shane, can you tell him I'm sorry." I whispered, handing the neatly folded note towards my best friend. She took it form my hand and I breathed out. My phone buzzed and I looked at it, sighing as it notified me my Uber was here.

"I'll see you when you get back, Ivy. Take you're time." Lilly whispered and I smiled, looking towards Pepper. I petted her before leaving and climbing into my Uber. Wondering if I did the right thing.