The friend i never had

She was walking on her own. She was thinking all alone, how it would be look like, when she can turn back the clock. She was smiling right? She even laughs, she was happy. Is she? The girl standing before you? Is she really happy? Is she really alright? You, don't give me that look, do you know me? Am I happy? You never ask yet all of you still judge. I’m dying inside and I’m okay. I'm alright, I'm alright said she, do you believe her? Why don't you dig deeper?

I'm so tired. I want to rest but I couldn't. My souls are weary but I couldn't find sweet relief. I have no choice but to continue my life. I’m not scared of being exhausted nor am I afraid of fighting, but what really scares me, is fighting a battle alone. She was far from her family can't you see? She was trying so hard to fit your standards can't you accept her? She was physically tired but still go to school can't you consider? She work day and night, all she wanted is sympathy. Mom I’m so tired I want to go home. How she wish to say those words to her mom. Every day I struggle to wake up so early in the morning just to go to school, no matter how less sleep I spend, right after my studies still I keep going to my very hard and late night trainings no matter what, whether I’m sad, in pain, sick, broken or in my downfall I still train. Can't you all see I’m trying? All she need is a friend. She has a lot of classmates but have very few companions. Yes you don't like me because all of you think I'm lazy. You only see me as a dedicated athlete but never a good student. In your sight, I’m just a heavy burden. You all thought that my World is my sport but education is much more important than anything to me. But right now I just want to hug my mom. I want to tell my mom about my failures and defeats, about everything but will she carry the burden for me? Will I allow that to happen? All of you show hatred to her until she hated herself. She hated herself because she never gave up no matter how hard the world treated her but she broke down easily just because she is under the tyranny of this classroom. I hate myself because I'm not scared nor am I bother to fall nor am I afraid to fail and get the



lowest score, but what really bothers me the most are your feedbacks towards me. Your words are more than painful than my over all injuries in trainings. You told me I’m just a lazy athlete who loves to sleep. All of you know nothing and push me to the edge. Well actually your weekly over all routine is just my daily hardships. Why can't you see I'm trying so hard? I’m trying to balance and manage my time even though my body cannot take it anymore. Still you say something that can break my heart. Maybe they will if she's gone.

I'm so sorry. Those words she wanted to hear when she's alive. I wish I could turn back time. You all are sorry and it's too late.  You only give sympathy when she's already gone. You only understand when it's too late. You love her because she’s already dead; you all not even offer help to her when she needed it the most. Rather you usher her to reach the peak of her sorrow and end her life. Now you visit her grave shed tears. You all are really her friend she never had.