"Love, time, death."
Reina
as i get ready for ethan's memorial, it feels like everything is going in slow motion...seconds feels like minutes, minutes feels like hours, and hours feels like eternity... i have a speech i wrote for him. i have no clue how im going to get through it because my heart is already beating out of my chest and the anxiety has started to flow through my veins. i wipe my tears away, fix my hair, and take one last look in the mirror before heading down the stairs. im wearing a long sleeved knee-high, lace black dress. with black heels to go with it...if it wasn't considered "disrespectful", i would be showing up in my favorite hoodie of his, yoga pants, and a cozy pair of moccasins. but its not like that...as i'm headed down the long hall, im stopped when i hear weeping coming from a room i've never been in. it was their parent's room. i peek through the cracked door...their mom and dad sit at the edge of the bed, holding & comforting each other. their cries. and their pain. it's all so much..its hard to process that he's really gone. my heart breaks even more. he's dead. he's not coming home...his laugh can't be heard. his smile can't be seen. and his heart will never beat again. fuuuck.
-
i sniffle and slowly continue down the hall. "hey, rei...can you come in here?" grayson calls from behind his closed door. i take a deep breath and wipe my eyes. "yeah gray, is everything okay?" i answer opening the door. i should've knocked because when i walked in, he was only in his boxers. way to fuck up, reina.
"oh shit! grayson, im sorry!" i panic covering my eyes. he chuckles, "it's fine reina, i actually need your help with something," he pauses taking a deep breath. "can you help me choose what to wear...please? im sorry..im just freaking out because i don't know how to dress for shit like this." he sighs in defeat & frustration as he runs his hands through his soft hair. "of course, g. anything for you." i say with a reassuring smile, closing his door behind me. "so, what are your options?" i blurt out as i sit down on the edge of his bed, folding my hands in my lap.
grayson walks over to me holding two hangers, the one in his right hand held a casual white long sleeved button down, with nice black slacks. the one in his left hand held a suit and tie. the blazer and slacks were a dark navy blue combo, with a dark grey long sleeved button down, and the tie being a shade lighter than the blazer and pants. i take a hard look at the two very nice options, i get up from the edge of the bed and take both hangers, then walk back to the bed, laying them both out so i can get a better look at the outfits. i pick up the grey button down, and pair it with his black slacks and hand them to grayson. "here, these two would look very nice together. not too fancy, but also not too casual." i say softly with a sweet smile. his eyes light up, and a wide smile spreads across his face. "thank you, reina. you're a life saver." he says, gently taking the clothes from my hands. "oh, and reina?" he says almost as quiet as a whisper. i turn with a smile and look at him, "yeah?"
he steps closer and goes in for a hug. i am taken back at first, but quickly hug him back. we stand there holding each other, and a few tears rolled down my cheek onto his bare shoulder, a few seconds later he speaks up, still holding me tight in his embrace. "you look very beautiful. ethan would be so proud, he'd show you off like a trophy." he softly says. i giggle a little, "thank you, gray. that means a lot." i say hugging him tighter. i can feel him smiling. he's the sweetest.
"i love you." he blurts.
"i love you too, grayson." i whisper back.
we stood there for what felt like forever, until he pulls back and gently places a kiss on my forehead. "see you downstairs." i nod and walked out of his bedroom, into the long, dark hallway then make my way down the steps.
-
as everyone started arriving and mingling, my heart begins beating so fast. why does it have to be this way? ethan, i can't do this..i need you here baby.
i clench my chest, my hand finds its way to the necklace he had bought me, for my birthday and i hold onto it for dear life. a wave of reassurance hit me, and i suddenly became calm.
