Autumn/Winter

Part 4B

Maybe Brendon’s weak, or pathetic, he really doesn’t know, but with the tightening in his chest, the arguing, the way the cold air hits his skin because he forgot to grab a jacket, and how there’s no moon out tonight so it’s scarily dark, he’s on the verge of tears. His eyes are reddening and glistening as he bites down, hard, on his lip.

He’s trying to keep himself together, because he’s sick of feeling weak, of being burdened and annoyed to the point his eyes overflow. He’s been walking for a while now, because his destination isn’t close by, and the cold has numbed his face and fingertips, his feet wet inside his sneakers. His cell phone is in his pocket, but his mother hasn’t called at all. He’s a little hurt by it.

Brendon tries to manoeuvre as well as he can in the dark, in the places where there are no street lights, but he ends up tripping on something, and banging his knee harshly against a bench hidden by shadow. He swears, loudly, the first tear dripping from his eyelashes to his cheek, where he wipes it away, quickly. His knee starts to throb, and his body is telling him to run, to get somewhere warm.

So he does run. All the way to Ryan’s house. As he stands outside of it, hesitating for only a few moments, he catches glimpses of people through the lit windows. It’s late in the night, only the downstairs lights on, and he hopes he doesn’t wake anyone up as he thuds his fist against the door a few times.

He waits, hands in pockets, nose freezing, skin pale with wet, red eyes and hoping to god someone answers. His desires are met as the door opens, revealing Spencer in the same clothes he was wearing that day, and he seems shocked to see Brendon. “Hey, what’re you doing here?” he asks, before taking more note of Brendon’s dishevelled appearance.

“Is Ryan in?” Brendon says quietly, his voice scratchy and breaking with emotion. Spencer nods, rushed, inviting Brendon quickly inside and out of the cold, into the heated house. Spencer calls out Ryan’s name, but not yelling, just simple talking and Ryan steps out of the kitchen, wearing a loose shirt and sweatpants, looking up while half forming a word, that word getting caught in his throat when he sees Brendon.

“Brendon, what’s wrong?” he asks, urgently, moving forward in quick strides to hold Brendon’s elbows, pulls him close.

“He just showed up on the door step like that,” Spencer says helplessly, when Brendon fails to answer. Brendon pushes his face into Ryan’s shirt, can smell his scent and almost feel his skin through the fabric. Ryan’s hands flitter to his waist, wrapping around it and pulling him close, swaying him gently. Brendon can tell Ryan and Spencer are mouthing words over the top of his head, and he never realised how much taller both of them are to him.

“Did something happen?” Ryan says, close to Brendon’s ear so it sounds like it’s vibrating. Brendon shakes his head, keeping his face to the shirt. Ryan keeps holding him, and asks, “Want to watch a movie with us? It might cheer you up.” Brendon nods into the shirt, sniffing lightly and lifting his head. Ryan smiles at him, and presses his lips to Brendon’s forehead.

Spencer puts on a comedy movie, and Brendon ends up wedged between Spencer and Ryan on the couch, seemingly the only ones still awake in the house as the movie starts. Ryan’s wiping at Brendon’s wet tears, handing him a tissue to blow his nose and gently kissing his cheek every now and then. Spencer’s glancing over at him, smiling kindly and offering small reassurances, his knees tucked up on the couch and touching Brendon’s.

When the opening credits finish, and the actual film starts, Ryan laces their hands together, and Brendon leans his head on Ryan’s shoulder, calmed by his heartbeat. After five minutes Spencer leaves, returning with a large, puffy blanket and throws it over all three of them, as they huddle close together and only take up half of the couch. Brendon feels all his previous emotion start to drain out, with Ryan’s hand combing through his hair, and his own hand running through Spencer’s hair, who’s now laying across their laps, his arm hooked around their knees and hugging the two limbs together, using their joined thighs as a pillow.