autumn leaves [jikook]

18

Jia had fallen asleep in Kayu's arms, their bodies comforted by nothing but the blankets and each other's warmth. The younger caught herself smiling as Jia's body rose and fell with every steady breath, and she melted at the feeling of heat off of her petite body and the coziness of her presence.

It's a soft, wonderful feeling to have someone you adore in your arms; an unmatchable contentment settling over you like freshly fallen snow. However, that stable feeling can be fragile in the event of complication.

"Babe?" A worryingly familiar voice called from across the house, and Kayu's eyes snapped open in horror as she heard keys jingle and the front door swing open and shut.

She needed to get up and quickly, but Jia was lying on top of her arm, and their legs were tangled together. Kayu silently cursed as she pulled her limbs away from her sleeping love, relieved that she hadn't woken up yet.

"Kayu?" The voice, curious and closer than before, rang in her ears as she struggled not to stir Jia, managing to remove her leg from beneath the older's but still not able to budge on her arm.

"Hey, honey. You're lying on me, and I need some water." She whispered the lie tenderly into Jia's ear, and after a moment, with a sleepy nod, the older shifted and let Kayu's arm free. She planted a soft kiss to Jia's head before getting up, snatching a bath robe from the foot of the bed, and leaping for the door handle just as it was turning from the other side.

"He—" Taehyung's eyes widened when the door opened, a guilty look pasted on his girlfriend's doll-like face as she quickly shushed him with a finger to his lips.

"Go." She mouthed and pointed, and he nodded slowly, backing up and letting her lead him outside and into the hallway before allowing her to pull him outside the front door and out into the corridor.

"Um, what?" Tae asked, his chest heavy as possibilities swam around his head, making him feel dizzy and sick and horrified.

Kayu sighed heavily, tears welling up in her eyes as she took Tae's hands in her own. "Taehyung, I'm so sorry—"

"No," He dropped Kayu's hands and backed away from her, keeping his distance as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks. "Did you... cheat?"

All Kayu could do was nod as she tried not to break down, but knew that there was no way they could end on good terms if she couldn't keep it together and tell him the truth.

"Why? What did I do wrong? I can't believe it, I was seriously considering fucking marrying you, Kayu!" Tae kept his voice down, considerate of what the neighbours might think. "My parents love the sound of you, I was going to take you to them this weekend before school starts, and I thought we could start getting really serious..."

"I'm sorry," She blabbed, tears falling with every blink. "I'm so sorry, Tae. It's all so damn complicated, I'm sorry—"

"Is he in there? Is that why you made me be quiet? I fucking hope he can hear this!" Taehyung growled, his cheeks soaked with tears. "I'm going to kill him, I'm going to fucking kill him."

Kayu put a hand against his chest to stop him. "No, please stop, it's not—"

"DO YOU KNOW HOW IN LOVE WITH YOU I AM?" Tae yelled, looking straight into Kayu's eyes. "HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON, HUH? BE HONEST ABOUT THAT, AT LEAST!"

"A long time..." Kayu confessed.

He looked at her, complete and utter shock consuming his deep brown eyes as he cried, his cheeks flushed and his expression full of hurt.

"Do you love him?" He asked quietly, looking away from her.

"It's not..." Her voice trailed off and she hid behind her hair.

"Does it mean anything, Kayu?" Tae snapped, his voice shaky with anger and hurt.

Kayu took a deep breath and met eyes with him, trying her best to keep her voice steady and stop crying for at least a moment.

"Yes, I do love her. It wasn't obvious to me until recently, but now it is, and I can't express how much I hate myself for doing this, but you and I can't be together."

"H-her?"

Kayu just nodded, wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her robe.

"Thanks for sharing," Taehyung broke the silence, making her shiver from how edgy his tone was. "Although we've only been together for nine months, it was the best time of my life."

After a moment, he looked down at her through his peachy-coloured hair. "Did you even love me?"

"Of course I did, and I still do," Kayu whispered, holding her head in her hand. "Just not like you love me."

Tae hesitated, taking it all in.

"If you left anything at my house, come by tomorrow. I won't be home, but you have a key, and when you're done just leave it on the kitchen bench."

"Thank you, if you come by tonight, six at the earliest, you can do the same. I won't be here."

They stood there for a moment, both of their faces flushed and their hearts exhausted, but the final goodbye came when they pulled each other into a hug, tight with love and sadness and regret all the same.

"I'm sorry." Kayu sobbed into his shoulder, for some reason not wanting to let go even though she was ready to.

"Bye, Kayu." He pulled away from her and made his way down the corridor, not looking back as she watched him disappear into the elevator.

"Oh my god..." She whispered to herself, relief and guilt hitting her from opposite directions as she collapsed onto her knees, completely sobbing into her hands as she took in the damage she'd done.

"I hate myself, oh fucking hell I hate myself!" She screamed, curling up into a ball against the wall of the corridor.

But as a comforting arm wrapped around her shoulders, Kayu looked up and saw Jia's sweet little face, consumed with worry and surprise as she helped the younger back inside the apartment. Kayu melted into her arms as soon as the door was shut behind them, crying against Jia's chest as she hugged her tightly.

"It's okay, baby. You did it, it needed to be done and I'm so proud of you," Jia was crying too, except they were happy tears, and she kissed Kayu tenderly, cupping the younger's face with her hands. "I hope I can make you happier than he did. I'll make sure I do, because I love you so much. I know it hurts now, but I'll make it all better. I promise."

~

Jin wasn't even sad about Jia leaving, but it sure made him annoyed.

Now his feelings for someone else had decided to grow even stronger, and with no other romantic interest, Jin had absolutely no way of getting his damn mind off Kim Namjoon.

How the fuck am I meant to get this done now? He huffed to himself, too consumed by the issue to focus on the ridiculous amounts of paperwork in front of him.

Jin had known Namjoon for a couple years now, meeting him through Yoongi shortly after they began working with each other. Jin was a third year in university at the time, fresh into his corporate position and struggling to keep up with both work and study demands. Namjoon, being the absolute brainiac he is, helped Jin with a kind of tutoring method over lunch, and that totally saved the older from burning out.

As soon as he first laid eyes on Joon, he felt the way he'd normally feel if he saw a beautiful girl — and that terrified him.

With a sigh, Jin pulled himself out of his thoughts, discarded his reading glasses on top of the unfinished paperwork and waddled tiredly down the hall to his bedroom, taking off everything and throwing on a pair of sweatpants before climbing under the blankets.

I can't like him. He's straight, and I fucking thought I was, too.