I finally make it. It took me five more hours than it did yesterday, and a stopped a lot along the way, but I am not just a few feet away. One of the times I stopped almost caused me to drown due to the fatigue. Yet I still managed to make it, and for that alone, I am grateful.
The fire has already been started, and a figure with long hair is moving around it with a stick, placing more wood into the starving flame. "Are you sure.... they aren't out?" I knew she was expecting me, she must have known I wouldn't leave to do this alone.
"Yeah, they won't be able to see the fire behind this large wall of vegetation." I don't feel like moving from my laying position on the shore, but I know I have to stay by the fire just in case, so I stand up and shakily walk to where the flame is.
"I thought I said I didn't need your help." She looks at the fire while sitting against a tree. I sit at the side directly opposite of her.
"I wasn't doing it for you, Captian Erwin, Hanji, and Corporal Levi were entrusting me to come with you. If I can help this way, then so be it."
"What? Did you want to become humanity's savior? Do you want to have all the captains' attention on you? Do you want to become a hero, a great soldier that everyone will remember for years to come? Don't make me laugh." I chuckle, yet it is a sound full of annoyance.
"Humanity's savior? Hero? Your the one who is making me laugh, Iliana." I pronounce every single syllable in her name with pure mockery. She seems surprised at my sudden personality change. "As if I could be considered as great a soldier as to have the honor of having my name inscribed into history books. The only ones capable of achieving that honor would be people like Captian Erwin, Coporal Levi, Eren. All the captains' attention? Ha, such a thing is given to those who are narcissistic and need attention, who crave it." I speak that last sentence with venom.
"I think that you are describing yourself. You, who is always seeking the Corporal's attention, who wishes to do anything to gain his approval, his affection." I scoff. "Wanting to be humanity's savior at least would be better than simply being a soldier for your own contentment." She sighs but doesn't disagree with my thought.
"Yeah." She remains quiet for a while, making me feel guilty for suddenly exclaiming such things. So I try to change the direction of her train of thought.
"How..." I yawn. "... did you learn to swim...?" She looks at me intently, the fire already has dried me up. She seems to be discussing with herself whether to tell me or not.
"It was 6 years ago... I was 20 at the time when I first entered the Scouting legion. Being older than most of the initiates was difficult, but I met a man who taught me more, allowing for me to become more advanced than them. His name was Jett."
"I had previously been from wall rose, and there weren't many lakes where I was from, but he was from wall Maria, he taught me." Her eyes are closed as her lips curve upwards at the memory. "We became close, and I ended up falling in love with him. It wasn't until my third expedition outside the walls that it happened."
Her eyes start to swell up with tears. "I wasn't paying attention, I was supposed to watch his back as he went inside the forest, but I didn't notice the Titan coming. It ran inside the forest, and when I finally realized what was going on, I went after it. But it turned out being a deviant, and all I could do was watch as it jumped to where he was. It didn't bite Jet, but it smashed him against the tree. When it left, I ran to where he was, at least where I thought he was."
"Pieces of him were everywhere. He was unrecognizable. I just grabbed the nearest piece of flesh I could, and fell, clutching to it, my uniform becoming soaked with blood. I stayed there for about an hour, when suddenly, I heard footsteps behind me. It was Levi. He told me something, that made me stand up and start anew. I still remember his words..."
"What did he say?"
"Ha, you think I'd tell you? It's something special for me, something between me and him." I sigh in disappointment. "Wait till he tells you something special to you, meanwhile, I'll keep mine. Anyways, that was when I came to fall in love with Levi!" She says his name with an exasperated sigh, her eyelashes fluttering as if he were there. "How about you, how did you fall in love with Levi?" I choke on water that I didn't even know was in my lungs, my cheeks starting to turn red.
"I do not like the Corporal. I simply admire him as much as I admire all my other captains." She raises an eyebrow in amusement.
"Really?"
"Yes, I think love just serves to blind people from the sole purpose that the Survey corps has. Besides, even if I did love him, it would be impossible due to the fact that he is my Captain."
"How about your friend? Arlert, I believe his name was?" I turn even more red.
"No, again, I do not think love should be associated with the Survey Corps. I simply think of him as a brother, and he already likes someone." She frowns.
"Hmm, I thought for sure you were one of those girls who thought of falling in love all the time." I was, ever since five years ago. But now things are different. My duty to the Survey Corps takes more of my time than I have to give up in loving. I just can't find the need to fall in love, though I cannot deny that I have thought of this before. I wasn't going to admit it to her, though.
The warmness of the fire starts drifting me to sleep, along with the lullaby of the fire's sparks. My eyelids start to drop, I feel my weight fall to the side, until my head hits the floor and my consciousness goes black.
