Life.

Day 1.

This time in the year were I don't mind having someone kicking me to death, it's the finals and I know no matter how hard I study it's always average. Like I'm born to have this tattooed on my forehead, laying down in my bed literally not thinking about any specific thing, like I love to say my mind is just trying to commit suicide, instead of studying my ass out I read a horror faction well no one can blame me books are boring as hell. It's so exhausting. Sometimes I feel like breathing is hard like I really can't breathe it hurts, so I just take slow breathes.

•••

Sitting all alone watching the water splashes against the stones and thinking of some humans can lose their humanity so quick, and now my thoughts drift away to my friends having fun in the sea and I'm just staring at them well not exactly, why is it fair that some people is so happy and enjoying what's going on, and some people are fighting to stay alive. Bile raise in my throat, and I feel hot tears on my cheeks I pull my knees to my chest and bury my head into them I don't understand why am I doing this. I could just be happy. Like them. Be happy.

It's hard I feel so stabbed I can't even manage a smile. I try to calm myself and I did, wiped my nose not so like a big girl with the back of my hands and stand, I took a deep breath. And turned on my heels and walked back to the small house we've rented for a day to have fun which seems like I'm having non how pathetic of me. The only way to distract myself from my own mind is to do something. Something fun. Twitter. Where I can express how does I feel and no one would give a fine damn and in somehow you find that you're not the only one who feels the same way. It warms my heart. I shouldn't feel warm hearted when I'm feeling bad about myself. It's so confusing.

It's ok with me to be alone it's so peaceful that I don't find it in home, no peace in home and now I'm away from home and it feels so good it just happens once a year to me. I take a deep breath again and throw myself on the bed behind me and keep staring at the ceiling why does it feel ridiculous to me? Why does I feel light as a feather? I laugh I laugh like I'm going to be something big and I keep on shaking my head right to left I keep doing that for 10 seconds and I just cover my eyes and stay silent. I sigh.