"dude, i really need to know -hick!- did you -hick!- screw that girl?", ethan asks me through his hiccups as i pull out a new shirt from the backseat. i strap it over my body as i give out a nervous laugh.
"nah, she was the good girl type.", i say, obviously lying. he still believes me, he's drunk after all. he'll forget everything by tomorrow morning. i hope so, at least. because i'll be gone.
i buckle him up in the shotgun seat , holding his head up as i close the door for him. "so, is that girl you came in with yours?", i ask him as i sit down in my own seat. he chuckles.
"i'm a lucky dude.", he slurs. i smile, looking down at my feet as i put the key in the ignition and jolt the car to life by twisting it. ethan hits me in the shoulder with a closed fist as i back out of the parking spot.
"that girl.", he begins to ask me as i turn onto the road. i accelerate, my heart beating just thinking about reese. essie. my apricot princess.
she didn't know what it meant, but i did. rex orange county had meant a lot to me and had gotten me through some hard stages of really hard depression and anxiety.
i had my first anxiety attack when i was 14. it just happened, right in the middle of science class. all i remember from that day was that almost everyone had found out that ethan and i had made vines.
i don't really know how it happened except that i felt then room spinning and the lights dimming and flashing as i tried to grasp breaths helplessly. it's my most hatred memory.
"that's reese.", i tell ethan. he whistles and i chuckle. even when he's drunk he's always up to listen to me and talk about it. "and, yeah, i guess i like her a lot.", i add and ethan sighs softly.
"grayson, i always -hick!- always knew you wer-ere softer than me-e. but that, i can re-ela-ate -hick!- to that.", he smiles to me and i ruffle his hair. his smile fades and he fakes a frown. "i'm the -hick!- old-older o-one.", he mumbles annoyed.
he places his head on the window pane and let's his eyes shut. i drive in complete silence for a minute until i'm completely assured that he has fallen asleep. i flick through my spotify and click on rex orange county's 'apricot princess'.
i hum along to the intro, driving along the isolated streets of the city. it was pitch black outside, only the lights of the street lamps were lit up. even the stoplight signs were off, that's how late it is.
i drum my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat and quietly sing to myself. i can't sing, i don't like it when others hear me sing. i'm an anxious person, may i remind you. i just find singing is an art and i wish i could, but like i said, i simply can't.
roc starts singing the first verse and i sing along, off by heart. i turn up the volume so i don't have to stand the sound of my own voice singing these beautiful and deep lyrics. there was a message behind those words he seems to speak out melodically.
"yeah, i don't see any other. yeah, you're the only one to meet my mother. and it shows she loves the way you love me so. yes i know she loves the way you love me girl.", i whisper almost and just picture reese in my mind.
it's true. my mother would have loved the way reese loved me. she would've loved it. it was a healing love, for both of us. it was the needle we had been searching for all along to stitch back our then helpless souls.
this just points out more reasons why reese was perfect for me. almost seemed like she was handmade, carved or even made to exist to fulfill my empty heart. or the other way around. anyway, we were meant to be.
we were meant to meet tonight. we were meant to fall in love. we were meant to kiss each other. we were meant to be dragged to that stupid party. we were meant to do all that, just to add up that we were always meant to be.
i listen to the song finish off on the last calming chords. my head leans back on the head rest and i drive onto a small bridge, looking at my side view mirror. there's the moon glimmering right there, the reflection of its light hitting my pupils. i smile softly.
i just loved this feeling. i couldn't describe it, i just don't think the english language has the right vocabulary to express this. i could give an example to specify, but it isn't the same.
imagine you have almost completed a big 10,000 give or take puzzle piece puzzle. you've been working on it for days, weeks maybe, and you're down to the last few remaining pieces of it. you start working on it, the image becoming fuller with every second.
and when you pull away to look at it, just imagine it's a picture of a ladybug on a leaf, you realize there's a piece missing. right where the ladybugs' eyes are supposed to be. it's not really that important, since it's just a puzzle, but somehow the ladybugs just needs to be able to see, right?
reese gives that piece. wether it is her or her love or something, she gave it to me and i couldn't thank her more. she gave me the ability to see things i didn't think i could. i can see them clearly now, as if i had just put on glasses.
i scroll through my phone, just to call her and hear her voice as i listen to her tell me things that i somewhat just needed to know about. i scroll through all my contacts, notifications on my vine popping up like popcorn in the microwave. i feel my heart drop as i reach 'Yarby, London'.
i don't have 'reese♥︎'.
☁︎
a/n; tomorrow is my bday guys! (10/26)
finally ur bish turning 4 years old, i'm proud af. ALSO I WISH ukdolanA VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY THANK YOU RAE FOR BLESSING THIS FANDOM WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL FAN FICTIONS THEY ARE THE BOMB AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SUCH A KINDHEARTED ANGELIC GODESS. I LOVE YOU💗💓💓💖💗💓💖💖💗💕💖💖💗💘💖💗💓💞💝💞💗💖💘💕💕💖💗💓💞💝💞💖💘💕💕💖💖💓💞💝💝💓💗💖💘💕💘💖💓💞💝💝💞💓💖💘💕💕💘💖💓💞💝💝
thanks guys for your never ending patience, it's treasured🤧❤️
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xx,cece
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