Drinking a cup of Coffee

Part: x - Emptiness

Emptiness - it was a word that she tried to coin for some minutes. It was not a hard word for an English learner, but it was not a common word either, she admitted. The world reappeared for twice each hour. She guessed, she was being tortured.

She played the piano for more than 4 hours. She felt empty. She talked to her classmates excitedly. She felt empty. She watched some kinds of Chinese series films. She felt empty. She dived in studying. She still felt empty.

She remembered her brother's question about the "emptiness": How does emptiness appeal to be being filled with something but nothing is filled?

Len, her brother, had already explained it to her, but she was distracted; consequently, nothing was in her head. Her fault being too lazy to ask Len again. Mysteries stuff lost in the space, and would entropy be created?

- - - - - - -

Today, it was not raining. The coffee house welcomed her; however, she chose to ignore everything. Bitterness did not make one happy, or at least, did not make her happy. Was it better not to drink it and let it remind her of the pain?

It was just one day, she murmured. It had been for one day. 24 hours, 1440 minutes, 86400 seconds and 5184000 whatever it was called. That was long, and those numbers are great, mechanically great; but psychologically nothing at all. She was just going to be crazy. For nothing. And for anything. 

She could not tell him that she deleted Line yesterday.

She wanted to tell, but the Holy Spirit - as she believed, did not allow her to do that.

Her soul was cooling down... And she did not know what to do,

She wondered why. She could not think of any feasible reasons for not telling him. She liked him, which was true. Her mom gave her those nice pieces of advice, that seemed true. The life around her changed, which was also true. She imagined the situation when she told him about why she deleted Line, and she fainted. Not real fainted. But she fainted.

She knew it - after a wind blew some leaves of Paolo Verde onto the street.

She was afraid of hurting him.

She could not say that she was wasting her time. That was hurting like when she held a knife and cut him; the implicit was even sharper. She was not stable in her feeling. she was just afraid.

He hugged her many times. She literally liked it. But somehow, she would not like it when he texted her like that. 

And now, she embraced his hugs again... In the cold wind of Autumn, she decided not to tell him anything. The autumn of silent.

The autumn without him.

-----

Hey, it's the author! I wanna say sth: Len did not give me a right answer for that question O-O

I mean, I'm sad now ;;; I felt like today was so long...