My name is Dr. Shelby Marie Wattson, and being a surgeon is probably the most nerve-wrecking job ever. I have seen some severe cases since I started my job, but never have I seen anything as critical as this.
There it goes the beeping noise that I dread the most. Every time my pager goes off, that means that there is someone waiting for me, to treat them, to help them. I’m scared every day to see what walks through that door. I fear that one day, someone will come in, and I won’t be able to help them. That is the worst feeling in the world, having to know that someone’s life is in your hands, and if you screw up, they could die because of you.
But I always have and always will love my job. I have been at this town and hospital for all of my life, and when I was younger my dad was a surgeon, too. So I set a goal and told myself that when I was old enough I would also become a surgeon and that is why I am standing here today. People have always been there to support me, because they all know how important this is to me. That is why I love my home town, and having people that know you, and will be there with you for the rest of your life.
I grew up in a really small town; the type of town where everyone knows everyone. The kind of town where there are no new-comers and if you’re struggling there will always be someone there to help pick you back up. My dad and I didn’t really get to have the father-daughter relationship that I wish we could have had, but I knew that he would always be there for me when things got too rough. My dad was never home much either because he always traveled from hospital to hospital so that he could make better money. But when he did come home I felt like an entirely different person. Because when my mom was there she never really paid any attention to me. I could rot for all she cared, so I kind of fended for myself growing up, but when my dad got there he would love me and actually treat me like the child that I was.
My dad would write to me every day; he wouldn’t just leave me alone with her without making sure that I was doing better for myself. I thought that he would be there for me always until one day he just stopped writing letters to me, but I thought the wrong way about it. It turns out that he had actually been in a car accident. I seen him on the news the day after he had stopped writing to me, and it turns out that he was going to surprise me, and I figured out that he was on his way to come see me whenever he got into that accident.
Then on my 10th birthday my mom committed suicide. She had finally talked that day, and I remember the last conversation that we had. She told me, “Shelby, no matter where you are in this world you will always be my baby, and I will always love and I have always loved you. Right now I just don’t know what to do really, and I just want you to know that I will always love you no matter what, and I am so sorry for the way that I acted all of those years. I will do anything to make it up to you.” Then she gave me a hug and told me that weshould go spend some time together. So that night I was out with my mom and we did everything that you could possibly think that a mother and daughter would do together. Later on after we had gotten home, I got up and was really hungry so I grabbed me something to eat and went to go lay back down because it was like midnight. So I laid there for about 30 minutes, and I still didn’t here Mom go to bed. So I went to go check on her, and I saw her lying on the floor with a gun and note beside her. So I ran and called 911. They rushed her to the hospital and after they checked her out they said that she was dead and they could not save her. So I sat there crying by her hospital bed saying my last goodbyes, and just praying and waiting for her to get up. But she never did.
So after my mom died I started living with my aunt, and she was the nicest person I had ever met. She took care of me for the longest time; she always had room for me no matter what plans she had going on.
I wish that life could have been a whole lot easier than what it was, but now I know that everything is alright. So now every night before I go to bed I say a prayer and thank God for giving me my aunt. I know why everything happened the way that it did, if anyone has ever told you everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan; always listen, because it’s true. I don’t like it when some people say that there is no such thing as God because there is and there will always be a God. I hope that one day they open their eyes and realize that there is our Heavenly Father that loves them with all of His heart no matter what, and just because things get bad it does not mean that God is going against you.
Any ways I still have the note that my mom wrote before she died. (Yes, I still have not opened it to this day.) I just don’t know if I am ready to read it. I just don’t know if I am mentally ready for this. It is really hard. So as of today, I am not living with my aunt any more. I would love to, but I just can’t put everything off on her. So I have my own place, and I am making great money at the hospital, and since my aunt has done so much for me I am returning the favor and giving her money every week.
So you can say that things are getting better for me, but to be honest I am still trying to recover from what happened with my mom and dad. So it still is pretty rough, but I believe that one day things will get better. Maybe not right now, but I know that God has a plan for my future. So I still have hope, and I am making good money so that is a great thing. Therefore my next goals are to get a new house and try to recover. Right now I am living in an apartment so it would make me feel better to actually get a house. Not a big fancy house, but an actual house. The first chapter of my life may be hard, but in the end the solutions to all of my questions will be solved.
