Pink Peony | Namjin

Past Pt 1: Kim Seokjin

March 14, 2003
First year in Primary school
Jin age 6

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08:35

"Today, we'll be making pictures to give to the person you like the most." The teacher said, smiling as she tucked some of her long honey brown hair behind her ear.

Even though my daddy told me that we shouldn't favor someone over the rest, I had an idea of what I was going to make for the "person I like the most." Glancing over at that person, I smiled brightly and giggled as the teacher passed out pieces of paper with crayons and markers.

"Remember, the drawings do not have to be perfect, nobody's perfect." The teacher explained, going around and checking on some of the students.

Halfway through my drawing, the teacher walked over to my table, looking over my shoulder."You're drawing is beautiful!" She said happily.

For the past year, I've realized that the teachers like to shower me with praise and complements, in which my mother told me it was because they wanted to please my father. I never really understood why they would want to though.

"Though, um, who is the one in the wedding dress?" She asked in a bit of confusion.

I looked down at the drawing. Two people were holding hands, one in a wedding dress and the other in a tux."That's me!" I exclaimed happily, smiling with glee out of pride of my drawing skills.

The teacher stood up straight and frowned down at me, some of the kids around me giggling."But, girls should wear wedding dresses, not boys." The teacher explained.

I looked up at her in confusion, the brown crayon still in hand."But, teacher, you said to draw the person we like most, and I like Gyeong-Hyung." I explained with a smile, looking over at Kim Gyeong who sat across from me because of our last names.

The kids who were within earshot of the conversation started bursting into laughter, causing my smile to fall as Gyeong looked at me in disgust.

"My mommy says it's disgusting to like another boy!" Gyeong replied back, the conversation carrying to the rest of the class in a roar of gossip and laughter.

I looked down at my lap, my face red with embarrassment as everyone either laughed or looked at me in disgust. The teacher looked down at me with pity before tapping my shoulder. I looked up at her, tears starting to form at the corners of my eyes as she beckoned me to follow her.

Without a second thought, I grabbed her hand, wanting to escape the room full of malicious laughter. She walked me down the hall, asking her assistant teacher to watch the children. As we walked in silence down the hollow and silent hallway, I looked back behind me as saw monsters watching me and shrieking like hyenas, unable to understand my feelings.

I turned my head away and looked at my feet, the tears trickling down my face.

Why do I have to be different? Why does it have to be weird? Why is it disgusting if I like a boy?

It was all confusing and uncomfortable, especially since no understood.

Like the monsters who laughed.

10:05

I watched my feet swing back and forth, mesmerized by the motion for an unknown reason. The yelling from the office could be heard and I knew I was in trouble with my father.

But why?

Why was I in trouble?

I analyzed everything I did from my memory and none of it made any sense. Liking someone isn't a crime, mommy said that we should like everyone despite where they came from or if they were a boy or girl.

So why was my father yelling at my teacher? He was yelling things like "you've corrupted him" or "you've been teaching him it's okay to like the same gender!" Some of the words, I didn't understand but, they didn't sound good.

My gaze was pulled away from my swaying legs to the door that opened, my mother letting out a cough, straightening out her shirt. "Come here honey." She said with a smile, despite the fact that I could see the fear and worry behind her eyes.

She held out her hand for me to grab and I stood up, grabbing her larger hand as we walked into the headmasters office.