Rambles in Blue Jeeps

10/21/18

Hey, my little jeeps!...yeah I'm just rolling with that name for you guys.

As you may or may not know, I've been having an extremely hard time lately.

First Sweet Kitten and Boy Toy were taken down by Wattpad because someone believed I stole their stories. They ended up realizing their mistake and trying to fix it which made it seem like there was a light at the end of the tunnel that was this awful week. But then, someone had to kick me while I was down. Someone ended up stealing Sweet Kitten, turning it into twincest fanfiction by changing the names.

Now, I've read my share of incest books in my life. But at this point in my life, I have no interest in writing something like that and the fact that this person took my characters I love and twisted them up like makes me feel even worse.

And people are continuing to read the stolen version of SK while believing this person wrote it.

Anyways, that's a rundown of this awful week.

But this week has also made me realize how many of you have my back. You actually care about me, or seem to, and that blows my mind.

I know I share a lot with you in my author notes, but I wanted to share one piece of me that I have yet to talk about with you guys in hopes that it will better explain what place I've been at this past week.

First, let me start of by saying that I have no friends. I'm not afraid to admit that and I'm not that bothered by it either. I talk to you guys on here and that's enough friendship for me. But more importantly, I have my characters.

They are everything to me. I'm sure most you who have created original characters can relate.

They're my babies. My friends. My family. And I don't care how stupid and pathetic that sounds.

I love them all to death.

But, what I really wanted to tell you guys was this...

I have bipolar disorder.

I have talked about it with very few of you so you may be surprised. I'm not ashamed about it. It's just who I am and I don't think any mental health issues are anything to be ashamed of. I just had no reason to tell you guys about it before. I mean, how would I even bring that up?

"Hey, guys! Hope you enjoyed about Danny and Elijah fucking! Btw I'm bipolar!"

Nope. Just wouldn't have worked.

I knew that the only way I would tell you guys is if I did this sort of rambling book thing, whatever this is.

So let me explain it a bit more.

I have struggled with my mental health since I was about twelve. Mainly when puberty was really hitting me.

Middle school started and I had extreme trouble going to school. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I just couldn't go. My mom didn't understand and was frustrated. She took me to the counselor at school and she asked questions like "was I being bullied?" and stuff like that.

I wasn't being bullied, I just couldn't go to school.

I would go through bouts of being fine going to school and then begging my mom to stay home, or faking sick which was always really obvious.

Eighth grade was a lot better than seventh grade for some reason and I was pretty successful with going to school that year.

And then high school came around and that is when things got really bad.

Again, I couldn't go to school. No matter how much my mom screamed at me to go, I couldn't. I just couldn't do it.

There were a few times she forced me and I bawled my eyes out on the way there.