Note: This short is from another book I'm working on. The character who the story is told by ("You") is Milo, the 8th member of BTS. In this scene, they confide in Suga & open up about their recent dark feelings. Angst.
I wrote this when I was feeling down. If you or a friend are feeling like everything is crushing you and you're tired of the mundane lifestyle, just know that someone cares about you. Find something that makes u happy -- maybe music or sleep. Whatever it is, take time for yourself to breathe in this harsh world. 💜
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"How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"How do you pretend to be happy when you're not?"
"Who says I pretend to be happy?" Suga raises an eyebrow at you, a small smirk forming on his lips.
You sigh while sitting across from him on Jin's bed. He sits on his own bed with his legs comfortably crossed, elbows resting on his knees.
"We all have a mask on -- it's part of being an idol. I'm asking you because... you deal with depression, so how do you do it?" You ask, careful not to seem too aggressive. This was a touchy subject that needed to be handled with caution.
"How do I deal with depression?" He chuckles slightly while rubbing the unique material of his pant pajamas between his fingers.
"How do you pretend it's dealt with?" Your eyes roam the room as you think. "How do you... how can you smile for cameras or smile around your friends when you don't feel like it? How can someone act like they're happy and OK with their life when they're not? It's all a lie."
Your heartbeat increases as these unspoken worries and feelings are now released into the space. You hated talking about what you felt, especially the bad feelings. But you needed help. You couldn't hold it in anymore. You couldn't pretend to be happy.
Suga looks at you with a blank stare, his mouth hung open. "Is that how you feel?"
You nod, feeling your eyes begin to water.
"You're not happy with life?"
"I want it to be better... Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for BTS and the success from it. I just feel like I should be doing more," you confess while looking down at your lap.
"Mm. I understand that. I've felt sort of trapped in the cycle, too. When you're doing something over and over but the excitement is gone. Like with writing... sometimes I'm inspired but sometimes I don't have the energy or... creativity to write sometimes."
"Yeah... but it's more life in general. What's the point?"
"What's the point of life? Ha, beats me." He chuckles and shakes out his hair. "Life can be pretty pointless, especially in this society. However, life can be pretty special too."
You frown while the two of you sit in short silence.
"I guess I'm just waiting for it to be special again. I wanna do something different, something that makes me truly happy and not what others want me to do," you speak up.
"That's good. Do you know what you wanna do? Do you know what makes you happy?" Suga looks at you with sleepy eyes, and you suddenly feel bad about coming to him at this late hour.
"Writing. And stage production h-has become a real interest lately. There's... there's so much I wanna do, but I feel trapped."
"Trapped how? You can do anything you want."
