(these are literally my opinions they're not right or wrong just let me have my fun)
Veronica Sawyer: A disaster bi and polyamorous
JD: an Aromantic bi and a slushie-fucker (and the best trans boi) (AND NICE IN MY LITTLE AU OF HEADCANONS)
Heather Chandler: There is literally no hetero explanation for her she's a useless polysexual (more than bi, less than pan) (polyamorous)
Heather Duke (movie cause this one's less bitchy and has a decent character [no hate towards the musical, I just prefer movie Duke]): A disaster demi-romantic asexual and has a huge crush on Ronnie there (a little polyamorous)
Heather McNamara: A Useless Lesbian™. ( polyamorous)
Betty Finn: *claps hands together and does the spongebob imagination thing* G A Y (and totally smitten by Martha)
Martha Dunnstock: Bi-curious; thinks she's head-over-heels for Ram but really it's because subconsciously she thinks no one else will ever love her (NOT TRUE)
Kurt Kelly: Asshole and a Rapist
Ram Sweeny: Asshole and a Rapist
----------
All the Heathers are gay for Ronnie
All of them.
Ronnie use to have really short hair and Betty always called her Ron in middle school so Chandler thought she had a crush on this cute boy 'Ron Sawyer' but no, jokes on her, it was Ronnie this whole time. Heckin bamboozled.
JD comes out to Ronnie first
Martha is like that grandmother who said "That's not gay everyone stares at lady's asses/ Ok maybe I'm a little gay"
Betty's got this crazy-good gaydar (she knew the heathers were gay in eighth grade), meanwhile Veronica's bifi is shit so she naturally assumes everyone who hasn't told her specifically that they're not straight is straight.
Mac can barely function in the locker room with the cheerleaders (not perverted, just a blushing mess), let alone around Ronnie
If you pay close attention at parties, when Chandler is drunk off her royale ass, you'll notice she only flirts with Mac, Duke, and Veronica. Oddly enough, no one has picked up on this.
Veronica is the tallest at 5'9, then Chandler at 5'5, then Mac at 5'1, and then Duke is the shortest at 4'9 (going off an AO3 author's height for them) and they all cling to Veronica cause 'Hey! Ronnie's tall and warm and can probably reach the top shelf without climbing on something!'
JD has only ever loved Veronica and this one Genderfluid kid at one of his old schools but he respects the fact that Veronica doesn't want to date him and He's perfectly fine with being friends (aka not a nice guy™ but a sweet, genuinely caring guy who makes a great friend)
Betty tries to flirt with girls (because like all useless lesbians, she thinks her crush is straight, and this is even with her excelent gaydar) but they end up taking it as a compliment and walking away and she's like 'No come back I mean that in a very un-hetero way Full homo please just d a t e m e'
She's also on the vollyball team, and Mac, being a cheerleader, goes to all the games, and Ronnie, being a good friend, also goes and now Betty and Veronica have a game called "Let's see how flustered we can get Mac before she leaves the locker room".
The answer is always Very
Duke also goes to these games because Veronica is there and sometimes pokes fun at Mac for getting all flustered
"You try changing while they're complimenting you and acting pretty and... wow"
Chandler does not attend these games, she does, however, pester Duke and Mac for details on Veronica. She literally won't shut up and Mac think's it's really cute.
"You only let Ronnie join because you've had a big, lesbian crush on her since middle school."
"No, I let her in because she's good with forgery andhas a decent face"
"You think my face is decent?" (they forgot Ronnie was in there with them) Cue chandler's blushing face
Duke, with a (not so) straight face: Absolutely.
Martha thinks she may like-like Betty, but she's not entirely sure
JD knows Martha likes Betty, and he knows Betty likes Martha, and to him it's the most stressful thing in the universe because god damn it you guys are perfect for each other just date already!!!
He also knows everyone's sexuality, though no one knows how. (his bifi is better than Betty's gaydar, and he pays attention to the ways everyone acts)
That's it for now, I spent like an hour writing this and it's past midnight now. Night
YOU ARE READING
Random AUs and headcanons for random characters and fandoms
AcakThe title is pretty much self-explanatory Rated mature b/c there's probably going to be some heavy topics in there (self-harm, suicide). I'll put a not at the beginning of the chapter if you want to skip over it
