We won't never work out, because you'll always be in love with her.
'I would promise you the world 'I said slowly as I could, not believing a single word coming from my mouth, knowing it was a mistake the moment it left my mouth. 'But, your world was him, and nobody can ever replace him. 'he whispered slowly with a small whimper. I started thinking about everything I did wrong to this boy, he doesn't deserve to be led on by a heartbroken girl. But, I didn't care. I never had feelings for anyone nor would I ever care for anyone after the past. 'Maybe it would be best to move along if you already know the outcome of this 'He nodded in agreement while slowly putting down his head. 'I really am sorry for doing all this to you , you're such a nice guy to me , but , I told you I would ruin you like the past ruined me , I gave you a warning ' I said as I walked away with a cry coming from a known place , from me .
October 4th, 2018, you made me physically happy with myself. Mentally? No. I didn't understand why I decided to give love another try. You taught me much more of life than I knew. In the beginning you made me happy of how committed you were to us. Only if 'us' had more of a impact on me than you. You love me more than I could ever love you. I could never give you the amount of love you had given to me with the preposterous memories of him. I wasn't what he wanted in the first place, although he was everything I wanted. Now, I'm all you want but, you're not what I want. I told myself I would give this 'relationship 'stuff a try. You met my grandparents, they love you. 'You deserve to be happy after everything you been through' they would tell me. If only they knew how I really felt.
I never got the experience of having a father in my life, practically a mother either, considering once I reached age 8- she turned her problems towards alcohol. Everything happens for a reason, no mattering the tropic. Heartbreak after heartbreak happens for a reason. Love yourself before you could ever love somebody else. No matter what happens, you'll be the most memorable. I have a past, just like you have a past, I think that's why we connected or had chemistry. It's hard to see you everyday at school or in the hallway, and not feel some way, the impact where, you used to hold my hand, kiss me in the corner, and hug me which felt like we were forever. I wish we would've stayed like that. With the outcome of you and I , I still have emotions, you lost yours. I thought god made you for me, but maybe right now isn't for us, later in life might be for us. I would take you back in a heartbeat, and I think that's my biggest downfall for being who I am. I miss how you would always call me, we could talk about anything, and you would smile. The constant emotion you showed towards me had impacted on me the most. From the day you sat with me at the table outside, the day you first kissed me, the day you first kissed me. Everything changed me, but, you are leaving changed my worst behavior in the end. Never actually realizing you left till, in the morning, you no longer were by my side as you arrived on campus at 8:08 , or 8:11. You meant so much to me, you left me though, like everyone else, I knew you would, the day more days after dating, your texts got shorter, your smiles got bigger, and I got sadder. You made me think differently, I learnt, if I really want someone, I'll stop thinking of replacing you like I did with the rest. I don't want anyone else but you, you helped me become a better person, I was focused on you. Was is a past tense though, now is happiness isn't a thing to me anymore. I lost my thoughts about love after you left my life.
Now, I know the outcome of love. It was the red flashing signs I ignored in the beginning. The moment I felt uncomfortable of you texting other girls, when you weren't texting me. Yeah, together with you made me the happiest I ever been since 2017. The day after you broke my heart, you moved on so fast, thinking I wouldn't care. Exactly a week later, you had a new girlfriend. I tried anything and everything to get you back. You made me mentally undeniable and unstable for love, I cannot understand how you put someone through so much work in making this work, knowing it won't work in the end. The effects of moving on of temporary emotions affected me. I still have the same feelings for you, you just wouldn't understand. I tried to play it off as if I had no feelings, pushing you away each and everyday we were together. Day 19 seemed to be the hardest day, the day I saw you with her, right in the corner of my eye. You and she were walking out the student center door, just like me and you did, a week ago. There are seven days in a week. It only had taken you seven days to replace me, I never deserved to be put through this pain once again. I was thinking long term, you were thinking temporary. You didn't come with instructions on how to treat you in a relationship, but, I had come with instructions and examples. Examples of my experience is the reason I started writing. Writing clears my emotion- my fears.
