Pieces

7. Confrontation

"Sorry for going off on you like that. I just... I just kind of, lost it, I guess. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have." He said, seeming genuinely guilty.

"You don't have to apologize. We all have our...moments." I told him, as we kept walking down the beach, the sky a dark shade of blue, the sea, an almost pitch-black. 

"Still... I didn't mean it. He'd want you here." He said, as his dark eyes met mine. 

We merely stared at each other for a while, before I travelled my gaze to the unending stretch of the sea, seriously pondering over my next question. "Can we be friends?" I asked. Suddenly realizing how awkward and childish that sounded, I quickly tried to cover it up by adding, "I mean, I'd like to be your friend. Like I would like to have you as a friend. Since... since I get this feeling we have a lot in common. And I'm not just talking about Marcus. And I mean, we're both-"

It was the melodious sound of his light-hearted chuckle, that made me stop. I couldn't help but stare at him, realizing for the first time, how different he looked when he smiled, when he was even the faintest bit of happy. It reminded me of the boy I'd seen in the picture that day. Was this who he was before? The "happy child" his mother had mentioned? Had I really brought that boy back, even if it weren't to last?

And it didn't last. His expression grew serious again and that hint of a smile was gone as fast as it had come. Here was the Antonio I'd met at the airport. The Antonio, grieving after his best friend's death. The Antonio, who kept pushing everyone away. 

It was then that I truly realized how much I'd have prefered having met the actual Antonio. The boy he'd been before. The boy who was best friends with my best friend. How unfortunate that I never met that boy. How unfortunate, I may never meet the real him. 

"Any friend of Marc's is my friend." He said quietly, but something told me he didn't really mean it. That, in his mind, he still didn't see me as a friend. 

"You don't mean that." I blurted out. 

He looked at me, as if offended. "I do!" He argued, his eyes bringing out the annoyance he was trying to hide.

"You want to mean that. But you don't, actually." I told him, waiting for his response. When there wasn't any, I continued. "I don't want you to see me as a friend because that's what Marcus would have wanted. I want you to do that for yourself. And if you can't, that's fine too. You owe it to Marcus to bring me down here. You don't owe it to him to try and be my friend. If you want to be friends with me, I'd prefer if you wanted that on your own terms and not just for his sake." 

"What does it matter?!" 

"It does matter, Antonio. Because I need to figure this out. And I need help. I can't do it on my own. I was counting on us to be in this together since you're the only person I have known for longer than everyone else, excluding Marcus. And also since I felt that we'd be able to relate to each other well enough. But if you keep pushing me away like this, and lying to me all the time, we'll never get anywhere." I said sternly.

"I wasn't lying, okay?! And relate?! Are you kidding me?! I watched him die, Garima! I watched him die. You did not!" He yelled at me.

"You weren't the one who didn't know you were losing him until a week ago!" I exploded, feeling a sudden surge of rage pass through me. My hands were trembling and I was starting to see red. "You may have watched him die but at least you knew! At least he told you! At least he thought you were worthy enough of being told!" I screamed at him. "Just because I wasn't there in the literal sense, doesn't mean I'm not hurting inside! Doesn't mean the pain is any less!" I was panting by the time. 

"Here I am, trying to be there for you and you don't even care! I could have chosen not to care about you as well, but I didn't want to! Because no one was there for me, no one understood how much I was hurting back there. I had to keep pretending I was fine, do you know how hard that is?! When I saw your e-mail first, I was so lonely. I have never felt this alone in my life! I'd just wanted someone to be there for me for once. Someone to comfort me. Someone to tell me it's all going to be fine and actually mean it. Someone to prove to me that there's still hope but there was no one! And the absence of someone like that made it even harder for me! I would never want someone to go through that kind of a pain alone. That's why I'm trying to help you! To be there for you, but all you do is keep pushing me away! Why, Antonio, why? Why would you do that to me? Why do I still have to keep pretending I'm fine, even here, where I'm surrounded by people who like me have been grieving, when I'm not?!" I was shaking uncontrollably and I could feel my legs give out slowly, under the weight. 

Bringing my knees up to my chest, I  buried my head into my arms, trying to calm myself. Having finally allowed myself to cry, I felt so much better. I'd had these feelings bottled up inside of me for too long and it felt so good to let go. I'd never thought it would.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry." He whispered and I heard him sitting down next to me. "Look at me."

I hesitated at first but finally gave in, meeting his teary-eyed face, which seemed paler than usual. 

"I shouldn't have treated you like that. I'm really sorry. It's just so hard... I just... And I know I'm not the only one. I know you're hurting too so I shouldn't have said that. I keep saying things I don't mean. I'm not helping at all, am I?" I shook my head. "Truth is, I can't... can't let myself get attached to anyone... at least not anytime soon. Be it you or anyone else. Because it hurts so bad when you lose them... And I know it's ridiculous because we all have to leave this world someday but I just... I can't replace Marcus with you yet...I.. I don't think I'm ready... Does that make sense?"

I nodded quietly, waiting for him to continue.

"I will try my best though. I will. I just need some time. Will you give me some time?" 

"You don't have to replace Marcus with anyone, Antonio." I told him, truthfully. "Marc was a special guy. People like him simply cannot be replaced. I'm not asking to be your replacement. I'm simply asking to be your friend." 

"No wonder Marc liked you so much. You're a really caring person, Garima. I'm glad he had a friend like you to turn to when I was busy being an asshole."

I couldn't help but smile. "I'm not going to say you aren't one, that's for sure." I teased him, in a vain attempt to lighten the mood.

He smiled back at me. Then he stood up and brushed his shorts, before extending a hand towards me. "Come on, let's get home. It's getting really late and we have to wake up early tomorrow." He said.

Letting him help me up, I asked, "Why?"

"Because I made an appointment. We are going to the doctor's tomorrow."

a/n: Double update! Sorry this was so short but it was also really important. Hope you enjoyed. Do you like the flow of the story or would you prefer it to be faster? Do let me know in the comments!