So,I decided its better to rant then to just act like I'm fine.
So get ready...
Naturally I've developed the need or just reaction to act like everything's fine when I feel like everything around me is crashing and burning.
Of course,my parents were starting to fight so by accident and pure instincts I kept a facade like I didn't cry when they fell asleep. One time they were talking in the other room and everything just kinda...crashed on me.
I became kinda grumpy and feisty. They thought id be funny to say "Ho come you're happy when we're fighting but when we stopped you're all emo." I was pissed off,but ignored them. I refused to eat when they did,they play fought like I'd make me feel better....
I heard them yelling about how 'rude' mum is and how they need to focus on their relationship,which was the trigger I guess...
Anyways,I really just....I learned this instinct from them. I was told or more shown that no matter what is going on to put up a facade and act fine,so that's what I did.
They don't take the fact that I'm suicidal seriously!! They won't help me get help or even help me themselves.
While I'm in my room,on the verge of cutting dad is drinking again while mom is struggling to stay awake and keep a eye on my brother.
I just need someone to talk with me...or not even talk just send funny or cute pictures....whatever way is necessary to help.
You might not even care about me,and that's fine. I don't care about myself either.
