Can and Sanem

Sanem's Hope

Sanem

As soon as Can arrived at work, Sanem's hopes for forgiveness were quickly dashed. He walked past her without giving a second glance just like the previous day. He looked tired, so tired and upset. Half an hour passed, and he still did not call for her and he kept ignoring her. Sanem was confused. Had he not seen the letter? Had he not read it? Or had he read it and still hadn't change his mind? She had to find out. In that letter she had poured all her soul; every single truth she wanted to tell him was written down along with the promise that she would always be truthful from now on. She would always love him, she had said to him. But it looked like it wasn't enough. Can would never forgive her for what she had done. She felt like crying all over again. Still, she had to make sure that she finished her tasks, so she poured a cup of tea for him and headed to his office, the contract papers between Aylin and Emre stuck in the pocket of her pants. She knocked and entered Can's office, only to find Can sitting there with Deren. A wave of jealousy washed over her again. Why wouldn't Deren leave Can alone? She threw daggers with her eyes at the back of Deron's head, but when her gaze moved to Can, she forgot all her anger and an overwhelming sadness took its place. He had been focusing on some papers in his hands and not looking up. She could tell he was ignoring her purposefully from the white knuckles of his hand clutching the folder his other hand restlessly playing with the stones.
Why wouldn't he even look at her? She felt like screaming.
"Günaydın Can bey, your tea," she said in a soft voice before putting the cup down, silently pleading with her eyes for him to just look at her, just once.
"You should ask Cey Cey to bring tea for me from now on," his gruff words cut straight through her heart.
"Why?" she couldn't help herself, her pain reflected in her voice, but he still wouldn't look at her. He kept looking down at those damn papers.
"Excuse me, Sanem!" Deren said sharply, "What do you think you are doing, questioning your boss like this?" she reprimanded Sanem in a high-handed voice that put Sanem's teeth on edge.
Please look at me! She felt like falling on her knees right there and begging him.
Instead, she just nodded, her eyes rapidly filling with the tears she couldn't stop for the last two days.
"As you wish, Can bey," her voice came out small, thoroughly defeated. She was losing him. She knew it right then. Rather than howling and trashing the office like she wanted to do, Sanem went to the coffee station, set the tray down, wiped the bench clean, grabbed her purse, and left for the archive room. She needed to get herself together before she completely fell apart. She convinced herself that she wasn't going to quit. "No more running away, Sanem!" she wiped her tears away, her resolve getting stronger. Maybe this was the punishment she deserved, she told herself. For the hundredth time that day she wished she could go back and rewrite the day she met Can Divit. Well, she wouldn't change their first meeting at the opera house when they had kissed not knowing who the other person was or their second meeting in the office when he caught her saying those ridiculous things about him. But she wished desperately that she could somehow rewrite that day where she would meet him first, see him first, instead of meeting his lying, conniving, snake of a brother Emre.
Why did she believe Emre's lies about Can? Because she was a naive, idiot fool! That's why. That one lie had cascaded into an avalanche of lies and deceptions getting her to this point where she was drowning in regrets, so many regrets. She sat at her desk in the archival room, the place where she had had many stolen moments with her Can. She closed her eyes trying to come up with a plan to talk to him somehow. As usual, the non-stop memory reel started rolling in front of her closed eyes, the curse or maybe a blessing now, of her photographic memory. She remembered every single moment with Can, their banter, their fights, a hundred different kinds of looks he gave her, his smile, his laugh, all of Can's memories came flooding through. She remembered the very last time he looked at her lovingly. Their last kiss, their most intimate and passionate one. She felt the wave of want rushing through her again. She went back to that moment when he had stopped the Ferris wheel at the amusement park just, so he could get five minutes of uninterrupted time with her.