How It Ticks

Her

I recall when I was too afraid to approach her, 

The way her messages would appear on the screen in the masses. 

I could pick hers out from the crowd and each one would leave me wondering.... 

My radar is always and forever broken.

 When I first heard her voice I prayed to whatever god would listen that she'd notice me; 

I wished upon every star that she would hear my silent pleas to be hers. 

But then I'd hear myself in the back of my mind: 

You're too fat, too manly, too ugly, too short, too plain, too fucked up. 

I'd back down and stop replying, fade away into the background. 

 I watched my last reply until it was out of sight and then I was taken. 

 I was happy with another girl for nearly a year until she stabbed me in the heart and watched as I bled. 

I laughed alongside her as I drowned in my chaos until I could no longer breathe. 

 When I returned and saw no trace of her I feared she was gone. 

 Then she was posting again and I felt a strange sense of joy and hope. 

 I commented here and there but didn't think anything of it until she replied back one day. 

 She left me speechless for the better part of an hour because I didn't know what to say. 

 Now I am confused, too scared to ask because I'm afraid of her answer. 

 Everyone we know wants it to happen but only if she's okay with it. 

 Or was it her just being nice? 

All I have to do...is ask.