Room For More

Chapter Three

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About Two Years Ago

The weather was much more cooler than it was in the afternoon by the time I returned to Ted and Josie’s place in the evening.
I’d been shocked beyond belief by the venomous response and cold reaction I got from Teddy. I’d prepared my heart for two different reactions when I got on the plane on a journey of over eleven hours but a part of my heart had wished more for the good one - like the callback an actor would get after presenting before an audience. In reality I’d known objectively that anyone would support Teddy’s reaction to my presence at his house. If I’d been in Teddy’s shoe I’d have told myself to get the fuck out of the house. I was the ungrateful little sister-in-law brought up by her sister and her husband but got away immediately she got the chance to, and she never looked back after that until the day her sister was too be buried then she suddenly showed up. I hated me in the story but the innate self-centeredness in man made me believe I shouldn’t be too hard on  myself and that I deserved a second chance.
And it was that desire for a second chance that made me forget my jet lag state, the embarrassment I got from Teddy’s words in front of a large number of old people who were supposed to be deaf but still had sharp functioning ears and the many other baggage I had but had refused to let out while on this trip. It was important to be here for Teddy. I knew that. And I’d tolerate everything he sent my way until I could get through to him and help him bare this loss without losing himself.
And that was why I’d left Teddy’s with my head up, acting unabashed by his insulting words, with the hope to be back later in the day, preferably in the evening when there were no longer anybody to be an audience to the show. I’d lodged myself in a surprisingly neat and cool motel very close to Teddy’s (apparently, it was built about two years ago, so it could still be referred to as newly-built). I wanted the chance to be able to come and go easily while I was back home, for as long as Teddy would have me.
Ted and Josie’s place was much more quiet when I got back. There was hardly any trace that a post funeral ceremony had held in the house. Just looking at the outside of the small house in the moon lit atmosphere was enough to take me down the memory lane of my time in the house -all the fun, happy and sad moments of it all.
I knocked twice on the front door while I waited in fear, hoping that things wouldn’t immediately go down the hill when I meet with my brother-in-law again .
I could hear the sound of clashing bowls from the kitchen while Teddy called out to me that he would be with me in a second. If he really knew who his visitor was he wouldn’t say that. So I braced myself in time for meeting him face to face again without a viewing crowd. I heard the fast paced movement of his legs as he came to the door of the house and opened it.
“Hi!”, I said softly while I waved my hand in greeting to him.
Teddy stood by the door which was still partially opened, only just staring at me without a word from him. I was weighed down by the force in his stare but I summoned all power and control to look the part of someone who wasn’t moved by it.
After what felt like a million years (it couldn’t have been more than 30 seconds), in what time Teddy had come out fully from behind the door and was standing directly in front of me with his hands firmly tucked behind him, he cleared his throat, something I knew he did just to announce his imminent declaration on me and not because he had an itchy throat. With him being that very close to him, I found it hard to breathe out without my nose almost touching his crispy white shirt. Why had he worn a white shirt for his wife’s funeral?
I could also smell him vividly by our proximity to one another. I was glad to realize he still smelled as I remembered him to smell. Teddy’s trademark scent was a fusion of the lingering smell of fuel from his all day job in his automobile shop coupled with the smell of lemon and the aftershave smell, which could only be caught on him whenever Josie could get him to shave. His clean shaven face was a far cry from his typical Jewish look many years ago. I wondered if he’d kept his face clean to honor Josie – it was something Josie would have wanted.
I unconsciously bounced on my legs while I waited for him to talk.
And he finally did.
“I told you to fucking get out.” He said coolly as if he hadn’t said it like a villain would with the inclusion of the vulgar words. When did Teddy go Rogue?
“I did fucking get out”, I said playing along with his lines.
“But you’re back.”
“Yes I am back.”
There were no words from his mouth afterwards. He went on to keep on silently staring at me. I wasn’t going to keep on dancing to his tune. I was going to express my mind to him whether he wanted to listen or not.
Taking a deep breath in, I started, “Teddy I’m so sor---“. I was never allowed to complete my statement because Teddy suddenly turned and walked back into the house, with the door closing behind him while I wondered how far I’d have to go before my brother in law and I would renew our connection again as it had been in the past.