MILK [Matty Healy]

Trust

I took another drag of my cigarette before blowing it towards the ceiling, Imogen laying next to me in my bed after we'd spent the last hour fucking. She was dozing as I laid awake, smoking and thinking about what she'd let slip from her mouth through pleasure a few minutes before.

I was attempting to sort my confusion whilst suppressing the pit of anger in my stomach that often caused me to jump to conclusions. I looked over at Imogen as she stirred slightly, pulling the sheets over herself more and I quickly got up, sticking some joggers on.

I went to the kitchen with the fag still in between my lips to make some coffee, pushing my hair back in frustration and shaking the images from my head. I finished my cigarette before stubbing it out in an ashtray, stirring my coffee and slowly walking back to my bedroom.

Imogen had turned over, her eyes flickering open when I walked in and put the mug on the bedside table where an empty bottle of wine was also placed.
"Where'd you go?" She reached across the mattress a little as I laid on the edge, staring at her innocent face.
"Coffee" I mumbled blandly, not holding her hand that she rested in between us. She waited a few moments before shifted closer to me and sliding her leg across my middle, smirking.

"Tired?" She kissed me softly on the cheek as I laid still and unbothered. I hummed in response, gently moving her bare leg off of me and turning onto my back to look up at the ceiling again.

From the corner of my eye, I could see her drifting into a light sleep again as I sighed.
"You know that time when you went to George's party without me, Imo? And Ross saw you-" She immediately groaned at my question and sat up, holding the sheets to her chest.
"Seriously, Matty? Bringing this up again?" I nodded nonchalantly as I waited for her to continue with the rehearsed words that I'd heard too many times. "I fucking told you that it didn't mean anything"

She suddenly pulled the sheets around her bare body and got up as I quickly followed, standing in front of her and holding onto her waist.
"I just don't want any secrets" I muttered, hugging her briefly although I knew the wine that I'd drank had made me conflicted. She squeezed me lightly, kissing my neck.

"You're crazy" she said as she wrapped the covers around her whole body and walked past me, pulling clothes out of my wardrobe for her to wear.

=

Imogen sat down opposite me in a booth at our favourite diner after I'd suggested taking her out.
"We always sit here" She laughed, leaning her elbows on the table and fixing her eyes on mine.
"It's our table, isn't it?" I said placidly, handing her a menu to look at as I sat back and watched her for a few moments.

"George keeps telling me to go to the doctors" I abruptly brought up the topic as she looked up with a knowing expression. "Because I keep blacking out"
"He knows you like to get blown, right?" She lowered her tone at the mention of my drug use and sighed. "Just ease off the hard stuff, baby" she shrugged her shoulders as if it was nothing, looking back down at the menu.

"Hi, can I get you guys some drinks?" A girl with a slight accent spoke next to our table and me and Imogen simultaneously looked up at the waitress as she held her notepad and pen.

"Alyssa?" My brows furrowed as a little smile played on my lips; I'd never seen her here before. She looked a little shocked that we'd managed to meet again and I looked back at Imogen who was staring at me in annoyance.

"Matthew" She smirked shyly as I groaned.
"You gotta stop calling me that" I shook my head and quickly composed myself, remembering the situation. "Oh- this is my girlfriend, Imogen"
I coughed as they exchanged awkward smiles and Alyssa swiftly changed her tone, going back to the generic questions on what we wanted to order.

"Who the fuck is that sket?" Imogen's sickly smile was quickly wiped from her face as soon as Alyssa had left to go back to the kitchen.
"I don't really know, just another one of Jai's customers I think, Imo... Christ" I sighed, trying to block the thoughts or her with somebody else from my head.

A different server came to our table to give us our drinks, coming again with food a little later. Alyssa didn't come back to our table. In fact, I didn't see her around the diner whatsoever after we ordered our drinks.

I didn't dwell on it too much as I walked Imogen back to her flat. She told me that she had to finish an article- something about blonde men for a magazine and that I shouldn't come in.

We said goodbye at her door and I kissed her for a little longer than usual before she pulled away.
"See you tomorrow" She mumbled, closing the door.

I'd gotten the impression that Imogen was pissed off after being introduced to Alyssa although I didn't even know the girl, it must've came across like I did.

I sat around my apartment drinking for a couple of hours, scrolling through mine and Imogen's messages before deciding to call George.

"Hello?"
"Have you and Imogen shagged?" I asked aggressively, feeling my stomach surge downwards.
"What? Are you drunk, Matty?" George scoffed down the phone in disbelief.

I suddenly felt extremely nauseous and immediately regretting mentioning anything to do with Imogen. I ended the call. Running to the bathroom, I leant over the toilet for a few moments- letting the sensation subside before laying down on the floor.

I took deep breaths, bringing my hands up to my face and feeling my wet eyes. I didn't want it to be true.