Dazai and Sans forever

F

It is 8:28 AM. Dazai is currently late for work, as per usual. However, he forgot that this day was special because of his alarm clock. Loud Megalovania playing Dazai gets out of bed to look at his Sans the Skeleton shrine. He prays to his god, Sans, and whispers ''You're my hero''. Dazai then, putting on his skeleton jacket, heads out to work. What a wonderful day it'll be.

Dazai leads Atsushi into his dorm. He had invited Atsushi over earlier, and his subordinate happily agreed. "Welcome to my humble abode," the bandaged man says, spreading his arms out wide. Atsushi smiles, looking around with wonder.

 "So this is Dazai-san's apartment?" the light-haired young man wonders aloud. 

 "I'll make you some food. You can look around if you'd like," Dazai says, walking over to the kitchen. Atsushi glances at the brunette standing in the kitchen, his head turned, and slowly tip-toes over to the bedroom door. It wouldn't hurt to take a look inside, right? He curiously creaks the door open and walks inside. The first thing his eyes land on is a massive shrine of Sans the skeleton. He drops to his knees in anguish. 

"How could you, Dazai-san?" he cries. 

Dazai rushes over, only to be petrified by the sight. "doo doodo doo" he sings to the tune of megolovania as he cries

Atsushi rushes out of Dazai's room and heads for the kitchen. He eyed the sharp and pointy kitchen knife and quickly grabbed it. While Dazai was still singing the tune religiously, Atsushi slowly walks towards him and stabs him in the neck. Dazai turns around and murmurs.. ''You're gonna have a bad time.''

Dazai's eyes suddenly go dark, while his right? left? depends on how you think about it illuminates with a ring of blue. He blasts Atsushi with his gaster blasters. "Kids like you should be burning in hell" he screams at the boy. How dare he disrespect the one and only true god, Sans! The only suitable punishment is death.

''Religion is a scam! You know better!'' Atsushi cries out to Dazai as his vision slowly fades. 

Dazai then takes off his skeleton jacket and his eyes no longer have a blue ring. ''You know what, Atsushi.... You're right.'' Dazai then begins to fall to his knees and sob loudly, due to the death of his good friend. Dazai no longer loves Sans the Skeleton, and puts up his merchandise to sell on Ebay. This was the day where truly, kids like him should be burning in hell.

''Where the hell are those two idiots?!'' Kunikida sighed to himself, knowing they both are going to receive a punishment and it requires his effort, but the mood for everything felt a bit.. strange. Kunikida goes to Dazai's house himself, regretting it the moment he opened his door. He opens his eyes to see Dazai still sobbing on the ground with his computer right next to him and Atsushi's dead body. ''What the fuck is wrong with you!'' Kunikida yells at Dazai. 

''It isn't what you think! I swear!'' Dazai yells back, but soon gives in.''Actually... It was my fault Atsushi died... please.. lock me up..'' he begged. 

 ''Thank God, I thought this moment would never happen!'' Kunikida joyfully said as he dialed 119 to the police. The officers came and cuffed Dazai who looked sad and shameful about the whole situation. However, this was the opposite for Kunikida. It was as if he was dreaming. 

 A loud alarm clock going ''Bzz!! Bzz!!'' awoke Kunikida. Remembering his dream, he silently spoke and said, ''What the fuck?''. He ran to the Armed Detective Agency to see everyone there. 

''Hows it going Kunikida?'' Atsushi questions him. Dazai sneaks up and hugs Kunikida from behind. 

 "What.. the fuck..'' Kunikida whispers. It was all a dream.

Dazai raises an eyebrow at Kunikida signaling Atsushi that he's crazy. Atsushi nods.

And then out of nowhere Dazai blasts BOTH of them with his gaster blasters. "All hail Sans, motherfuckers" he laughs gleefully as they die. After that day, no one ever saw Atsushi or Kunikida ever again. Rumor has it that Dazai still lurks somewhere, forming a church of Sans... but the truth has yet to unfold.

The rest of the agency members witnessed the moment. Confused and frightened with bloodshot eyes, they ran out of the building before Dazai could find them. This plan did not work as Dazai blasted them all with his gaster blasters. Then, on the radio, he hears a faint song in the distance. ''Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turn upside down!'' he runs toward the car playing the song, and tells them to shut the fuck up and play Megalovania. Seeing him armed with these two floaty thingies, they agreed and played Megalovania. 

 ''I want.. to die..'' the two people in the car said to eachother. This day was truly terrifying. Maybe, oh maybe, Dazai should have stayed in the mafia, maybe someone would have whipped his ass if he had done this. But for the next few years, because of one Sans-worshipping man, civilization was ceased. 

 ''Haha..Hahaha.. Now I have you.. All to myself!'' said the lunatic man. 

Sans then appeared before his eyes. "Kids like you should be burning in hell.'' Sans then shot him with his gaster blasters once and for all. Sometimes, he wish Toby Fox never existed. 

THE END