14 Day LGBT+ Challenge

Day 2: Post Your Sexuality's Flag

I am bisexual and proud. For the first part of the school year, I didn't actually know if I was bi, or pan, or anything really. But, I believe that you don't really have to label yourself. If you like girls or boys, or all genders, then you shouldn't have to call yourself a name or a type of person. I know that many people are very proud of who they are, and I am too, but I believe that just saying I like this, or I don't like this, is completely fine also. 

At the beginning of the school year, I was having a hard time due to a personal reason that I won't say. But after this event occurred, I didn't know what I was. I didn't have any feelings or emotion towards others besides just friendship. For almost a month and a half, I thought I was a sexual. I thought this because usually, I have a crush or someone who I think is attractive. 

But- at this time I didn't know who I was. I didn't really have a feeling or any kind of emotion towards people with good physical features as such. I thought something was wrong with me. I wasn't acting like myself either. I wasn't eating, or hardly sleeping. It was like I was in a dark small room with no windows or doors, and there was water  that kept rising up and up. It was like I couldn't breathe. And still having depression and morning sickness was not helping. I didn't tell my friends because I didn't want them to worry about me. And I didn't want them to having to take care of me feel like a burden. I didn't even realize what was happening to my body or brain until my mom heard me throwing up. I told her everything that was going on and even about me thinking I was a sexual. My mom still isn't supportive about my sexuality, but I still know that she cares for me and loves me. Then, a few weeks later, I started going to counseling. I hate going because in the end, I don't know how to really express my feelings or thoughts without crying or having a huge breakdown. I actually went to my therapist a few days ago. Now, I am really happy and am actually doing a lot better. I don't have morning sickness or dark thoughts that often.

I'm sorry for making this a huge long chapter, but I just think that I really need to be more hones with my friends and loved ones and not keep everything inside. So, I want to take a moment to thank all of my friends for being with me through this path of self discovery. And even though I have had breakdowns and have cried and been really bitchy, you guys have still been with me through all of hardships. Thank you Jay especially. You have helped me in so many ways that I can't even express. And even though we have had our fights, and disagreements, and personal issues, you have still been with me through thick and thin. Everyday, you make me smile and laugh and have emotions that I haven't felt in awhile like happiness or excitement. And I can't wait for all of the years to come to spend with you. You are the greatest friend I could ever ask for. So, thank you for being you. <3

And for Alex, you really make me feel more comfortable with my self and my body. For the longest time, I was so scared to show my body, or even show my arms from the cuts I used to have. But now, I dress confidently and show off my body for myself and for my self esteem. You have made me feel more confident about my sexuality and about my feelings. You have always gave me the love and show of expression that I could ask anyone to ever give. Thank you. <3

And for Allie. For always making me laugh and making me smile. And for really just making me admire the small things in life. When I'm around you, you always make me feel like a little kid again. You make me treasure the most un-treasured-able. You make me smile and laugh whenever we talk about anime, or small jokes. Thank you for being the most understanding of all. <3

Thank you Mariah for making me smile and laugh about your hilarious jokes. and for always making me smile even when I am feeling like crying and when I feel empty. Thank you for always being there for me and trusting me with your kindness, and love , and affection. Thank you for being the one who I can always talk to. 

Thank Giselle for always making me laugh about the small jokes we share and making me calm and admire what I really have and hold it and keep it inside. Thank you for being the one who I can talk to about my crazy ships or fanfiction. LOL Thank you for just being the friend I needed in hard times. 

Thank you Estrella for always being the one who I can relate to most. Whenever I feel like crying or when I'm most down, you're always there for me and you cheer me up. I have known you for a year, and  I wouldn't trade any of our friendship for anything. And even though we have had such embarrassing and awkward moments, you still put those things aside and just help me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. So, thank you for that. 

And last of all, thank you for everyone who has been with me throughout the years, months, days, and hours. Thank you for being the friend that I needed in dark times. Thank you for just being the one I needed when I was having a breakdown, or having a hard time. Last summer was very hard for me. I hardly slept, ate , or anything. So for those who helped me during that time, thank you most of all. I will never forget you. And thank you Jazelle. Even though we don't talk anymore, you have made such a positive impact on my life. Thank you for always making me laugh at your funny humor, and funny ways of joke telling. I know that your life is different, and that you have probably forgotten about all of us here, but just thank you for being such a great friend. 

I'm sorry for making this so emotional, but I just really needed to spend like two hours doing this. Thank you for everyone who reads my terrible writing, and for anyone who has ever felt alone, I am here for you. And I might not experience what you are going through, but I will always be a good listener. 

Thank you for reading this long story. Thank you for seeing me develop as a person and teenager. <3