Never Again

CHAPTER FIVE: Changes

Ivannah's POV

I admire him since I first met him.  Since the first time that I talked to him.  He caught my attention. 

Then I discovered that he's giving me oreos secretly when I saw him infront of my locker one time,  I fell inlove for him more.

He never failed to make me happy.  He never failed amazing me.  He is so simple and unique,  so kind and so gentleman. 

But when we had our 6th monthsary everything changed.  He changed. 

He became cold to me.  He started going out with his new friends,  leaving me behind.  He lets me go home alone. He seldom text me and every morning he looks in a foul mood when he picks me up. 

That's when I thought about letting go.  I don't want this.  We can't always be like this. 

It seems like my javi is a new person.  It's like I dont know him anymore.  That's when I started asking myself. What's the problem?  Did I ever do something wrong?  Am I lacking as a girlfriend? 

I can't help but to get mad at him for letting me think this way.  Where is he anyway?  It's been 45 minutes and I'm still here in the shed, waiting for him. 

My heart broke again when I read his text message.

From: My Love Javi

I can't pick you up.  Kind'a busy.  I'll see you tomorrow.  Goodnight.

My teara cant help but to fall.  He's breaking my heart.  But no.  I just wont let go of what we have.  I will fight for our love even if I'm the only one fighting. 

Fighting for a love is not an act of stupidity, sometimes we're just waiting for it to be worth it.  That the love we have is more than the pain that he makes me feel. 

I kept my phone and dried my tears.  Back to my chaotic world I guess. 

When I entered the gate I heard my father shouting.  Again. 

"Where did you came from,  huh?! Flirting around with some stupid school boys?! " he said then he grabbed my arms and pulled me inside the house. 

No..  God no please..  Not now..

"I-I was w-waiting for--" I couldn't continue because he slapped me.

"Stop! Making! Lies!" he shouted as he slapped me again for every word that he says. 

I can't help but to cry hopelessly.  I couldn't even help myself. 

"I still have no dinner!  And it's because you're such a flirt!  Just like your mother! You could've just died with her rather than being a burden to my life! " He choked me and shouted at my face.

All I could do is cry. How come I never get used to this?  When will this chaos ever stop?

When he threw me on the floor he said the last words that can kill me a hundred more days.

"I hope tomorrow you'll die.  It would do us both a favor.  Oh how I wish. " he then turned his back on me and left me there with a bleeding lips while I was slumped on the floor. 

When I stood up I sat on my study table and grabbed a pen and paper then I started writting a poem.  Here I can express my death with a body that is alive.

I can't live like this.
I lost him.
I dont want this.
I'll lose him.

Why do men in my life keeps hurting me?
Why do they give me pain?
All I want is to be happy,
While dancing in the rain.

I need a shoulder to cry on.
I never saw a better view.
All I ever do is cry and mourn.
Mother,  mother,  please take me with you. 

I feel like dying.
I feel like I'm already dead.
Darkness is all I'm seeing.
I can't see something ahead.

Tonight I'll sleep with a broken heart.
Hoping tomorrow will be better for me.
Even if I know that I'll only be hurt.
But with a broken heart I still want to see.

I crumpled the paper and threw it in the bin.  Went to the bed and sleep. 

I hope tomorrow changes.