THE THIRD ONE [ momo x jeongyeon ]

7. Pain, without love

I spend night crying on Mina's shoulder. She washed my bloody fist and put some bandage on it. She didnt ask me anything. And im more than thankful for it.

I wake up hearing voices. Mina says I slipped on the floor and fell on my wrist. Sana's high voice expresses sadness.

Sana.

Jeongyeon's girlfriend.

I fight the tears and get up.

I step out of my room. I have to face this no matter what.

"Hey girls," i whisper.

Sana starts hugging me, almost crying when she sees my bandaged wrist. Mina's just looking at me, concerned.

"Don't worry, ill be able to train with you today," i make sure to them.

"I think you should rest," Mina says.

"Yes, stay in bed," Sana adds.

"If i stay in bed i go mad," i shake my head and go to the bathroom. "Gimme ten minutes."

*

The practice goes well. I give all of my anger, frustration and energy to my dance. Im not as smooth as i usually am and they notice. But dont say a word. They blame it on my wrist. My pain. No idea the real pain is inside.

How can I forget about Jeongyeon, when she's dating Sana and I live with Sana? I will be meeting her even when i dont want to. Even online... 

During the break, i take my phone to the bathroom and block Jeongyeon on all social media. Looking at her face makes my stomach squeeze. I cant be chased online by something i cant have. Its too painful to even think about her. And seeing her... Knowing that i can never meet her in person the way i want to? I can never kiss those lips, wrap my arms around these shoulders? See those eyes looking at me with love?

I wipe my tears again and go back to the dance room.

"Here you are," Sana smiles at me brightly. 

I wanna answer when i notice a person standing next to her. Her girlfriend.

"Oh, Momo, were you crying?" Sana looks at my red eyes.

"Umm, yyea," i raise my hand. "It really hurt when i try to use it."

"Oh god, what happened to you?" Jeongyeon stares at me scared.

"Nothing. I just slipped on the bathroom floor."

Mina puts away her bottle. "So, are we going to continue?"

"Sure." I wait for Jeongyeon to leave, but she just stands to the corner of the room.

Sana notices my discomfort.

"Jeongyeon will watch us practice, is it okay?" she smiles.

"Umm..." No im not. I either want her to leave or be mine. My guts are squeezed completely and i think i will throw up. Its so painful. Too painful to see her here, being somebody elses. How can she act as if nothing happened? Am i really nothing to her?

"Well, i'm from the rival team, its not a good idea for me to-" Jeongyeon leads to the door.

"No!" Sana yells.

"As you like," i shake my head.

The music is on, i start to dance. Im trying to focus on my reflection in the mirror, but i cant stop thinking of her. Is she watching me? Is she checking me out in the sexy moves? Does she like me body at least, when she doesnt like my soul?

...

What did she say? That she has a crush on me too?

She must like my soul.

But...

She doesnt love me.

She loves Sana, doesnt she?

How could she tell me that? How could she give me the hope i could get what i want the most and then make it a never-gonna-happen thing?

My stomach jumps, all of my feelings circulate and i cant take this anymore.

I press the healthy hand to my mouth and run back to the bathroom.

"MOMO!"

I hear girls screaming but i dont care.

I rush to the toilet and throw up, until i fell down on the floor, crying.

"Momo?" Jeongyeons soft voice breaks my sobbing.

"Leave," i whisper, my voice shaking.

She touches my back softly, but i push her away.

"You didnt have a right!" 

"What?"

"You didnt have a right to give me hope! To tell me you have a crush on me, when you dont want to date me! "

"Momo..."

"I may look dull, but i have feelings and honestly, im fuckin broken! You let me kiss you, touch you, you kissed me too! Told me, you liked me! And then just leave as if it was nothing? AM I NOTHING TO YOU?!"

"No..." her soft voice breaks.

"What?" Sana's quiet voice enters.