[alone]-motzu

one

(tzuyu)
My depression started when I was young. Right after my mom died. The next year my father killed himself. I was only 8 when all of this has happened. Of course I was tramatized. He not only killed himself because of mom but also because he wrote that he wasn't enough for me. I still remember the day. I still remember every little detail their was. I wasn't even crying. I didn't even know what was going on.

It was my first day at this new school. I'm a foster kid so I move a lot.

"Hey Tzuyu." This other foster kid who was living with me at the moment talks to me.

"Mhm." I respond to Jisung.

"I think this school will be better than the last one you told me about." He says. Yeah it's true I actually talked to him. Well he talked to me. We instantly became bestfriends. My first real friend was him. I had barely knew him but it was as if he was my true brother.

He starts packing his stuff for school. I so as he did. I get up from my chair and look around for my backpack. It's in the ground. Next to my shoes. I pick them up with my right hand and had my phone on the left. Of course no body payed for my phone,but this one time this rich people bought it for me. I moved to another foster home. Because apparently. 'i didn't talk.' I'm like that. I never show my real feelings. Only to the people who I trust. No one. I can't trust anyone. Not after everything that has happened to me. Even if I'm walking home, I see a little kid, still. I don't trust anyone. And I still don't. I'm barely starting to trust Jisung. He's someone I can count on.

I finally get all stuff and I follow Ms.Weq to the car.
"Alright kids here is your new school." She says kindly.

I fake smile and head out.

I walk next to Jisung. Scared. Like always. My anxiety starts to kick in when I see all the kids staring at us. I breathe heavily. I can't keep it in. I stop walking. Jisung looks back at me. "Hey Tzuyu." He snaps. I'm about to faint. "Remember, they aren't going to hurt you, okay?" He says calming my nerves. I cough. I blink. I get my water from my pocket of my backpack. I drink some and start walking with Jisung closely.

I head to the office with Jisung. Step by step I try not to look up. If I do,I might faint. I'm not going to survive without him.

"We are going to give you a student ambassador." The lady in the little office says. I nod and I sit on the chair waiting for my student ambassador.

"Okay Jisung, here's yours." The lady points and this tall girl that looks like a boy comes in and waves hi. He waves back and then they head out.  I nervously pick on my sweater and stand up. I can't help it. I walk over to the lady. I put my head down as she tells me to wait I walk to my seat and before I knew it there was a girl right in front of me. As if an angel popped out of nowhere her smile came out. "Tzuyu?" She questions. I get red. I start to feel butterflies in my stomach.

I stutter to answer. "Y-e-ah." I say to her. She smiles and sticks her hand out. I slowly put my hand out and shake it. "I'm Momo." She says with a cute voice. I nod and actually smile. My first real smile. Not a fake one I pulled every minute. This is weird. "So basically you are just going to follow me around, like my shadow." She says with her arm folding holding folders and binders. I look up. "Okay." I say with a clear voice.

She leads to me the exit door. And I walk behind her. In my head I was thinking that maybe I could be someone today. Maybe I could actually speak today. My depression hit right when I hear the bell. Step by step I think about it. Ha why would I ever be something to someone. Be special to someone. I wonder how that feels.

I cover up my wrist and follow Momo to her class. She has a bright smile on her face.

"Sorry if I smile a lot." She says.my face gets red when she talks to me.

I want to feel like that. Happiness.

I fake smile this time. Of course i wasnt going to fully smile when something that I don't have get tonight up.

"Momo." I touch her arm. She turns.

"Thank you." I say honestly.

She smiles and nods.

"You're really pretty." She says. She starts touching my hair. I blush a little. I try to hide my smile it's never there. "Okay let's get to class." She says and leads me to her math class.

She sits in class and everyone comes up to her. "Oh you go a new student?" They all ask and look at me.

I look at the floor.

She hums yes as an answer.

"Momo I wonder what you are going to do to this one." A guy says. I look up and he has his eyes wide open. "I'm sorry." He apologizes and runs to his seat.

She puts her hand on my wrist. "Don't worry about him." She says. I nod and she still has her hand on my wrist.

Someone comes over and gives Momo a hug. I try not to look but my eyes can't help but look at her.

My eyes follow her sight and the girl gives a kiss to Momo on the cheek.

I look away. They both laugh. I don't think they are together. But maybe?

The teacher comes in and the other girl walks away and blows a kiss laughing.

Momo looks at me and smiles. I smile too.

"You are going to love it here, especially if I'm here." She grins and puts her hair up in a ponytail.

I can't help but look at the angel. She starts laughing at the girl doing funny faces. She starts to do it too.

"That's my friend,Dahyun." She says.

I raise my eyebrows. "Mhm okay." I say quickly looking at the floor once more.

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pt.1 of Motzu [alone]