Deserving of More

Chapter 21: In The End

I have stared at the blinking cursor a thousand times. I still don't know what to say. How do I explain anything? Is anyone even listening anymore? Maybe I've been quiet for too long. But I just can't figure it out. How to take the reality and turn it into this.

What is there to say about Mike's strength over the past year that hasn't been said? My elaborating on everything he's done for us is unnecessary. His actions and words speak for themselves and my words would only take away from his achievements.

And what can I say about the Queen? Her words and actions become more suspect and obvious all the time, but no one listens. No one sees. Denial is strong and rampant. Why should I bother to continue shouting into the wind? Or worse, an echo, since I feel as though I am talking to myself. Screaming but unheard.

I have tried to resign my commission many times, but no one will let me. They say things about how I've earned my "place" and that my steadfast loyalty deserves reward. I am not loyal because I seek compensation for it. Loyalty is not a commodity to me. Nor is service. I feel that I am no longer serving my King or my Generals to the best of my abilities, but the bar pins remain on my collar.

I bury my head in the sand and in my schoolwork. It's hard to be inspired to write. The words don't flow as they once did. My heart is not in it. That doesn't mean I don't try. I practically overload myself with crime dramas and historical fiction and video games with good stories in the hopes that something will spark me back to life.

Maybe I have interfered too much. Stood in the way of the truth. Perhaps it needs to find its way on its own, even if that means I never get to see it blossom.

"The Queen will keep digging her own hole," I mumbled into a coffee mug, holding gaze with Cara and Mike in his tiny Resistance office. They both seemed to sigh in unison.

"You're not wrong," Cara flatly replied.

"You're certainly not," Mike echoed, pausing briefly in thought, "Maybe we are going about this incorrectly."

"We are?" I asked, surprised that he agreed.

"Yeah. Maybe the only way anyone will see the truth is if she presents it herself. If her persona crumbles in front of their eyes."

"Maybe," I replied, sipping my coffee again.

"I think it's time for The Resistance to change course."

"Are you sure?" Cara chimed in.

"Yes," Mike replied, "I think we should observe. Collect the evidence. But keep it stored away. Wait for the perfect time to strike, should it arise. Proverbial nails in coffins."

"You really don't have to listen to me," I told my General, "I've been out of this game for a while."

"But I think this is the perfect way to get you back in," he replied, "If you want. You'd just be doing what you do already. Watching. Not drawing attention to yourself." I sighed, knowing he was right. "I know, deep down, you still want to serve."

"Now you're the one who's not wrong," I quipped, "Ok. Ok. I'm in."

"I like the sound of that," Mike said, "Report your observations directly to me."

"Yes, sir."

Mike gave me a half smile.

"As you were, Lieutenant."