Dead Boys (boyxboy)

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The day is Wednesday, and I wake up with my heart beating out of my chest.

It's a weird feeling, waking up with anxiety. I'm used to it though. I woke up every morning for two years with a pounding chest, an aching stomach and with tears in my eyes. I felt it the first day of Woodstown High and I felt it the day we went cliff jumping but I've never felt it because of a person.

It's so strange how just a single person can have such an affect on you. A person can make your body feel weird things and I'm not talking about sex or anything physical than that. I'm talking how just thinking about someone can create a war of butterflies inside my stomach.

I wake up before my alarm goes off, which is weird because we all know that I love to sleep. But my anxiety woke me up before any technology could. The feeling is almost overpowering. Oh god, I got to take some anxious shits right now. People act like anxiety disorder is all cute on the internet but when you actually have it, it's just full of sweat and nervous shitting. How cute is that? We love a good metal illness.

"Bellamy!" My mum knocks on my door which brings me out of my thoughts.

"I'm up!" I say back, sounding semi annoyed.

"Okay, sweetie lets have breakfast today!" As she says this my alarm goes off and I groan.

I get dressed quickly but I actually take my time while getting dressed. I actually want to look good for Aaron. Ugh, I'm such a girl. Oh well.

I put on black jeans and a white shirt with my regular, everyday shell necklace.

My plate is already made as I sit down with my mother and father; two eggs over-easy, whole wheat bread and potatoes. My stomach growls just looking at the food and I start stuffing my mouth.

"So, Bell, how were your first few weeks in school?" My father asks me.

"We haven't talked too much," My mom chimes in. I instantly feel a ping of guilt in my stomach because she is absolutely right.

"I've made a lot of friends actually, I'm really lucky." I say and they both smile.

"Do they uhh..." My dad coughs, "Know you're gay?"

"Some do," I say with a smile because of how awkward he asked. "I'm sure you guys noticed how unaccepting people here are."

This makes my mom sigh and touch her forehead, something she does when she's stressed or feels bad about something, "We've been noticing, we're so sorry Bellamy. We should have looked more into things."

"Listen ma, dad," I say looking between the two of them. "It's okay, I have a good group of friends and it's not like the whole world needs to know. I know not to make the same mistakes I did last time."

"We don't want you to pretend to be someone you're not." My father says.

"Being gay isn't who I am, it's a tiny part of me. I am so much more than gay," I say.

"Of course, Bell." My mother says, that frown still glued to her face.

"We will protect you this time, son." I nod and smile, going along with what they say. Your parents cannot shelter and protect you forever, and I learned that a long time ago. I don't expect things to go down any differently than last time if things ever do go wrong.

I keep my head down for the rest of the meal, drowning in my own thoughts that are pooled to the top of my brain. My poor parents, I really wish I did more for them and spent more time with them. It makes me feel sour inside, knowing that they worry about me so much, yet I barely think of them. I've been so caught up in my own stupid shit to think about them, which is no excuse really. I need to do more for them. I need to spend more time with them.