How do I love someone again?

What is a crush?

Matt
I layed in my bed and watched my stomach's go up and down. I waited to hear Edd's door open. Edd. A name that makes my heart go crazy, but I don't know this feeling. It's so confusing for me. I heard a creek come from downstairs and assumed it was Edd's. I crept downstairs and peered into the kitchen. There he was. He was wearing his grey shirt and sweatpants. His hair was a mess and everywhere. I sighed deeply and walked in. "Hey, Edd!''I said cheerfully. "Oh, hey, Matt,"Edd said dully. "What's wrong?"I asked. This was NOT my happy morning Edd, even when he is very tired; he puts on a smile. "It's nothing, Matt. Just make you some cereal. I don't feel like cooking,"Edd said. "Please tell me, Edd. I want to know,"I said. I wanted to help my best friend. "It's nothing, Matt,"he said in a higher, firmer voice. I decided to drop it. I didn't want to see him angry. I decided to make cereal and eat in silance. Tom and Tord came in. Well, they were pushing each other on their way in. "Here comes the disaster gays,"Edd noted. "I'm not gay!"Tom exclaimed. "Are you sure about that, Tomas~"Tord said. "Yeah, I doubt your gay ass can say anything about my sexuality,"Tom said. Tord growled at the blue hoodie male. "Guys, stop fighting. Edd's having a bad day,"I said. "How do you know? He looks the same,"Tord said. "No, he doesn't. He's not smiling. He also doesn't have that sparkle in his eyes! He didn't make breakfast today. Also when he speaks, his voice sounds unhappy and sad,"I rambled on. "Wait, you pay attention to that stuff?"Edd asked. "Of course, I do. You act like I'm the only one that notices that type stuff,''I said. "That's because you are,"Tord noted. "Wait, you don't notice that stuff?"I asked. "Yeah, that would be weird if we looked at his eyes every day-wait,"Tord put on a smirk,"You like him, don't you?" "What no! I don't. I don't feel anyway to him, but as a friend!"I exclaimed. My face felt hot. Why is my face hot? "You're blushing,"Tom stated. "I am not!"I exclaimed. Why would the most fabulous me be blushing? "Come on admit it, Matt! You have a crush,"Tord said. I stood up,"what if I told you I don't know what you guys are talking about! It's so confusing!" "Wait, you don't know your own feelings?"Edd asked. "I know my feelings, but I don't understand what a crush is," I said as I calmed down to the sound of his voice. Everyone was silent. Tom spoke up,"guys, I think we should just drop the subject." "Yeah, for once I agree with you, Tomas,"Tord said and started to make his cereal. But, it all made me question...what is wrong with me?

Edd
I can't blame him. All he's ever known is to love himself. I told him that before, but, I guess, he over did the love and forgot how to love someone else. But, I feel...I don't know...sorry for him. I don't know why. Being able to only love yourself and not anyone else is kinda sad. Actually...it's really sad. I stared at Matt. He seemed normal, but I messed him up. I told him to love himself and now...he can't love someone else. "Fuck it!"I yelled. The three looked at me. "I did it! I messed up Matt,"tears came out if my eyes,"I told him to love himself and see what I have done! He doesn't know what a crush is because of me!" "E-Edd, It's not your fault,"Matt said. "Yes it is!"I slammed my fist on the table and stood up,"I wanted you to stop talking down about yourself!" "Wait, Matt wasn't always like this?"Tord asked. "No, back in high school, Matt hated himself. But, then he and Edd started to-"Tom stopped himself. "Started to what?"Tord asked. "I talk to much,"Tom stated. "Yeah, you do. Edd, what did you and Matt start to do?"Tord asked. "It's nothing,"I said,"it's the past that's it." I went to my room. I flipped on my bed and cried. I started to think about those golden months with Matt. Before the accident, before the anger, all of it. We were the people everyone wanted to be....

We were perfectly fine until Duke came.....

         FLASHHHHHBACKKKKK
I held my boyfriend's anniversary gift as I walked out of the store. It was a purple bracelet...his favorite color. I hummed a little tune as I walked to his house. I knocked,"babe, I'm here!" No answer. The door was unlocked. I walked inside and saw him making out with some other guy. My heart sank. "M-Matt?"I stuttered. "Edd...I can explain! He-He just came and-"Matt started, but I cut him off. "You think I'm in the mood for a lie!"I screeched,"today's our anniversary and you're making pit with some asshole!" I threw the gift on the ground and head towards the door. "Edd...please don't leave me,"Matt whimpered. "Too late," I said and stormed off to my house to cry.

                Flashback over
"Edd?"Matt opened my door,"came I come in?" "Sure,"I said. Matt sat on my bed,"Edd, what is a crush?" "Someone who you love deeply, but your feelings stay secret, so that person doesn't know,"I answered. "Thanks for answering my question. No one told me,"he said. He placed his hand on my back and rubbed it slowly. "I remember this,"he said,"everytime you were upset, you would lay in your bed and I would run your back. Before...GAH! I forgot it again!" "It's okay, Matt,"I said. I can always forgive him. I already for have him because of the incident, but he got hit with the memory eraser, so I doubt he can remember the fight. Matt layed down next to me,"can you tell me about when Tom and Tord were I  high school?" I smirked,"Well, Tom was a nerd. He had braces and was always like"i'm so emo." Tord was new at the time, but, oh, I have stories about him. The two were actually best friends, but something happened between them and they started to hate each other. But. I'm just going to talk about the funny and embarrassing stuff they did." Matt smiled. My face burned a little, but I continued to tell stories. The stories about all of our high school adventures.

Hope you like this! I tried so hard to  it put y'all....so blurb. This is a new book and my first ever "I focus more on eddmatt than tomtord" book! Have a lovely day or night!