How do I love someone again?

i still...

Warning:cutting don't do it
Edd POV
Two weeks later...
I stared at the ceiling in my room. The fan went around and around. My thoughts were like the fan, going around and around. Never stopping. Matt was in the center in my thinking. I have fallen for him again. His beautiful blue eyes. His wonderful personality, even though he may only love himself, for now. I heard a noise from downstairs that disturbed my thinking. I growled under my breath and stood up. When I was out my bedroom, Matt walked passed me. He looked mad for some reason. I walked to the living room where Tom and Tord was. But, they weren't fighting...they looked terrified. Tom had a bruise on his face. "What happened?!"I yelled at them. "M-matt happened,"Tord said. "What?"I was surprised. What did Matt do? "I was just teasing him a little, about you. I guess, that made him really mad because he punched me. I swear, it wasn't Tord,"Tom explained. "Aww, Tommy's sticking up for me,"Tord cooed. "Shut up. I'm still mad at you for High School,"Tom snapped at him. "Wait, that's what all of this about? That's why you have this hatred towards me? Tom I told you I was-"Tord said, but Tom interrupted. "Still! It still hurts, you know! Just...leave me alone,"Tom walked away to his room. "Tord, what was that about?"I asked. "Nothing you need to know about,"he said,"and you may want to talk to that A-hole upstairs." Tord walked to Tom's door and opened it. He stepped inside. I sighed,"Matt, what did you get yourself into?" I walked to Matt's room. "Matt, can you open the door?"I asked. I heard movement in the room, and the door opened. "Hey, Edd, what's up?"he asked like nothing happened downstairs. "Tom and Tord told me what happened, "I told him. "Oh, Tim should if learned by now if not, Todd is next I will punch instead of Tim,"Matt said in a weird tone that he used only once, and that was about two weeks ago. "Matt, what's going on? You have never act like this,"I told him. "I don't know!"Matt snapped back from a gaze he had,"I never know what's wrong with me!" "Matt-"I said to him, but he interrupted. "Edd... what is wrong with me? All Tim was doing was teasing me about you..."he told me. "Look Matt-"I was interrupted again, but this time by Tom. "YOU THINK I WILL FORGIVE YOU JUST LIKE THAT!"he yelled. I heard Tord's voice too. "No, I don't. But, please give me another chance. I promise, it won't happen again,"his voice was cracky...like he was crying. There was a silance. "Fine, only on one condition,"Tom said as his voice trail off. "Name it,"Tord said. Their voices were too far away to hear, but the front door opened and closed. "I bet you five dollars they are going to a bar,"Matt claimed. "Oh, so we are betting now. Well, I bet ten dollars their going to a bar and into Tom's room tonight,"I said. "Okay, let's see who's right,"Matt said. "Alright,"I told him.

Three hours later

I won the bet. They came in and went straight into Tom's room. Now, I can't sleep, but, hey, I got ten dollars from Matt. I wonder what will happen tomorrow with those two. Will they still he fighting or will they be a couple. I hope option two. I hate dealing with their fights. A knock came at my door. I got up, opened it, and saw Matt. "Oh, hey, Matt,"I said,"can't get any sleep?" "Nope, and neither can you,"Matt said in a tired voice. I laughed. "Yeah,"I said in an irritating tone. "Well, ummm, you don't mind if I sleep here tonight...right?"he rubbed the back of his neck. "Not at all! Come in,"I told him. I sat on the bed and patted the bed. "You sleep here,"I told him. He smile softly and layed on the bed. "Thanks, Edd,"he said. "Anytime for a friend,"I said to him, but when i said it...something in my heart dropped. I felt the feeling before...many times actually. Matt turned towards me,"can you talk me to sleep? I love hearing your voice." I smiled,"sure." I talked about the most randomest things until I heard a slight snoring. I looked at Matt....oh, how cute he was! His face looked so angelic and pure. I sighed and fell asleep to his light snoring.
Next morning
Matt POV
I awoke and found out I was on Edd's chest. I heard the beating of his fragile heart, and it made the atmosphere more relaxing. I sighed and continued to lay on the smaller male's chest. I heard a tiny yawn and looked up. Edd had woken up and was staring at me with his dreamy eyes. I smiled,"Goodmorning, Edd." "Morning,"Edd said. His face was a bit red. I shrugged it off. "Sleep okay?" "Maybe, I don't know. " "Let's go downstairs. " "Sure." We got up and went downstairs. Tom was sitting at the table while Tord was cooking something. "Bacon!"Edd exclaimed as he went over to watch Tord cook. I pulled out a chair and sat. Tom saw me, got up, and went away. I sighed. "It's okay, Matt. He'll come around,"Tord said,"he's a typical angry short man." "I HEARD THAT!"Tom yelled from the bathroom,"AND YOU LEFT SOME FUCKING HICKEYS ON MY NECK!" "TOM! EDD AND MATT ARE STILL IN THE KITCHEN!" Tom walked in and saw Edd. "Well, sh-" "Don't say a word. I heard you two last night,"Edd cut in. He looked very tired. Tom just came back in and sat at the table again. When food was done, Tord served us. "Don't thank me. Tom made me do it,"he said. "I was hungry,"Tom grumbled. "Yeah, and I wanted to be a smidge nice, so I cooked for you." "Thanks...I guess." "He told you not to thank him,"I said. "Shut up." "Tom, stop being so rude,"edd said. "Stop protecting your boyfriend. " Edd looked taken aback. "We're not dating!" "Well, you two we-" "Tom! Respect Edd's secret!"Tord hissed. "Oh yeah...I forgot. Sorry, Edd." Tom looked down. "It's okay, Tom,"Edd said with a smile. What was Tom going to say? That me and Edd were dating? No. No, Edd would of told me. He told me everything about...well...everything! Did he lie to me? No, Edd will never lie to me. "Matt, are you okay?"Edd asked me. "I'm fine! Just thinking a bit." "Just forget about what Tom was saying...it's nothing important." "Alright, Edd. Whatever you say. I know you won't lie to me" I smiled at him....but he didn't smile back. His hair fell over his eyes, and he got up. "I'll be in my room...don't come and get me,"he said in a monotone voice. He left. He left the table...Tom...Tord...me. What is he hiding?
Edd
I stood in my bathroom...looking at the mirror. My eyes looked dull and I know that. I sighed and walked out of the bathroom. Thousands of thoughts flooded my brain...thoughts I would've never thought of before. I dug in my drawer and picked up a small pocket knife. I sat on the edge of my bed and placed the blade against my skin. No, I can't. I'm not suicidal. But...one little cut wouldn't hurt right? As blade sliced through my skin, I winced a bit. Without knowing or hesitation, I made another cut...deeper than the other. The blood dripped of my arm onto my sweatpants. I don't know what I was thinking....actually I do. I know that he won't love me. Tears dripped off my face. "Edd, are you alright?"I jumped. It was Matt. "Yeah." I fell off my bed in panic to get my hoodie on. The door opened, and Matt came in. "Why are you on the floor?"he asked. "Ummm finding my hoodie of course," I said as finished putting the simple thing on. Matt's eyes followed onto my bed and I remembered the pocket knife. He walked to the bed and picked it up. "Is this your blood?" I started to cry,"yes." "Why?" I stayed quiet. "Edd...why did you do it?" I snapped. "Because you believe I don't lie to you. You believe I don't hide this from you. B-but I do! I do all of that!" I kept on,"I still love you, Matt!" "Wait, what do you mean by still?"but I had already shoved him out of the door with the knife in his hand. I slid down my door and cried.

Tom POV
I just saw the whole thing. "Still...what does he mean by still?"Matt muttered. "That's his place to tell you,"I said. He clutched the knife in his hand. "Why would he do such a thing to himself? He means so much to me and...and,"tears streamed down his face,"I care about him so much. Sorry, I... need some time alone." He walked away. "The perfect couple just got in a fight, huh,"I heard Tord say from behind me. "Yes, they did. Well, Edd just yelled at him and walked off." "Just like last time." "Yeah." He sighed,"plan B?" "Plan B,"I agreed. "Let's go to my room first." "Alright, but just kiss and cuddle right now. I still ache from last night." "Alright, and we will brainstorm what to do there as well." "Fine." "Let's go,"he said and held my hand to his room.