Feeling

Chapter 1

Silence.

The deafening sound of thought echoing in mind. And even though my hands have spent nights memorising every ridge and flex of his body, the need to see such perfection felt suffocating. This man, this perfect man lying beside me sees everything that I was and wasn’t while I stare blankly at the nothingness that consumes me even when my eyes are open. I’d been so engulfed by the need to see that I didn’t understand that what I was feeling was just as beautiful because it made me feel like I was sculpting it with my own hands and my hands could never fail to make anything beautiful.

It’s 5pm as I can tell from the blaring of the alarm clock Nathan set for me and not a minute later I hear the sound of the front door opening and from the lingering scent of Wood and man I know it’s Nathan. Just like all the time he kisses my cheek and goes to place some food in the kitchen.

“Hey baby, how was your day?”
The question wasn’t at all peculiar but I sensed he was tired from the long sigh and the limp arms around my small frame.

“You sound tired, are you okay?”
As I asked my hands searched for his face which he guided with his own, I could feel the hard edges of his face, as my hands wondered over his shoulders he moaned in contentment.

A chill ran down my spine when I felt his warm breath on my neck, he was asleep, laid his head on my shoulder while snoring lightly. Nathan and I had never done more than just kiss in the entire time we’ve known each other and I’d wondered what our relationship was and if he had the same encounter with other girls. I still remember the day we met for the first time, as cliché as it would sound I was always one to believe in the unbelievable, laying back on the couch I let his head fall onto my lap and run my fingers over his face.

December 14th, just seven days after my birthday I had decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood since my nurse didn’t make it again that day. I’d memorised the place and even though oblivious to its beauty Block 7, Gaborone was my home. My pink running shoes squeaked along the paved sidewalk while my walking stick made the ‘click clack’ sound, i could hear the sounds of Limkokwin students from afar and enjoyed the feel of life outside my house.

“Sorry are you okay?” he’d said after he’d bumped into me causing me to fall back.

“Oh it’s alright I couldn’t see where I was going anyway.” I had let out an awkward chuckle as he helped me up.
His voice reminded me of my favourite song, one I’d hummed to myself while staring into the dark not that I had a choice. His hand was a bit calloused but warm, for someone who lived in the cold dark, warmth was a luxury. This man had helped me to my house and I had asked him to come inside, my sister was on another one of her months long work trips. I’d sprained my ankle and he’d offered to take care of me. Nathan King. He told me he lived in Tlokweng and was studying Medicine at the University of Botswana, he sounded so beautiful as I listened to him speak trying not to feel the throbbing of my ankle and numbing of the ice.

“C-can y-you... umm.” I’d stuttered with my request closing my eyes to hide my embarrassment taking a deep breath.

“What do you want me to do Naima?” he’d asked. I could feel his gaze burning through my skin and suddenly it was hot, I was hot, his breath fanned my face. He was too close too close to release the bottom lip from my punishing bite.

“Kiss me please.”