A pressure grew outside my skull that made it feel like it would pop. Spasms racked my limbs. I lurched against the seat belt, gasping and wheezing. I had forgotten how to breathe, and it took me way longer than it should have to rediscover the knack. When warm, life-giving air finally flooded my lungs, I could almost feel every molecule of oxygen swarm into my alveolar capillaries and spread to every corner of my body.
And that thumping in my chest, like a frantic squirrel frantic to escape a cage. I had a heart again!
Ellen flung the wheel to the right and pulled off the road onto a shoulder flanked with massive, beech trees. A low canopy of boughs overhung the road. The headlights barely penetrated the dense forest bracketing us. It made me feel like I was back in Root.
“Are you okay?” said Ellen. “What’s happening? Should I call 911?”
From the back seat, Urszula slapped and patted my back as if trying to clear mucus from a baby with the croup.
I couldn’t talk right away. I coughed and snorted and wheezed until I got the hang of this breathing business again.
“Oh my God,” I said, hoarsely. “You don’t know how glad I am to be here.”
“O-kay,” said Ellen. “And … where else would you be? Were you...? Did you go—?”
“The Deeps,” I said. “I was in the Deeps.”
“That … is not possible,” said Urszula, after a pause.
“You were with us … the whole drive,” said Ellen.
“My body, maybe. But my soul was in the Deeps. We’ve been over this. You know how it works.”
“He is mistaken,” said Urszula. “He could not have returned here … to this place … if what he says is true.”
“Bullshit,” I said. “I was there, and here I am.”
“No. You are wrong,” said Urszula. “Wherever you went, it was not the Deeps.”
“I thought so, too. But then I saw that big ass dust storm. And the mobs of people swarming to it. Just like you described.”
“The Horus? You saw the Horus?”
“I guess that’s what it was. This big bulgy, knobby tornado thingie. And there’s no sun there. Just a glow in the sky. Everything’s all pink and gray. Cold as fuck. Dust everywhere. Does that sound about right?”
“How is this possible?” said Urszula. “How did you return?”
“Like I always do. I faded. And to tell you the truth, that’s got me kind of freaked out. It means I’ll have to go back.”
Urszula smirked at me. “I told you it was not a nice place.”
“It’s … horrible,” I said. “I don’t why I feel so strong about it. I mean, it’s just a desert. But it’s horrible.”
I felt like a traitor to Karla. But I should have listened to Bern and everyone else who tried to talk me out of going. The only good thing about it not being a one way transition like everybody warned me? At least I could come back here for a breather every now and then.
Ellen patted my arm like she was consoling a nervous cat.
Urszula sighed. “One gets used to the place, eventually. I am still not sure I believe you are actually there.”
“How do you want me to prove it? You want a pinch of dust? Christ, how long was I gone? It felt like … days.”
“No more than a few hours,” said Ellen. “You had offered to drive partway, but we couldn’t wake you. As it is, we’re almost in Salisbury.”
