runaways

{3}

[Con]

I'm a firm believer that in life, everyone is destined to do something. Everyone has a destiny.

Destined to laugh

To cry

To sing

To be happy

To be sad

To love.

Yes, maybe I'm a bit of a hippie but who cares? My beliefs have never led me astray.

At least, not yet they haven't.

My name is Conner Beech. Weird name, I know. My parents just wanted to make me a special little snowflake by spelling my name all wrong.

To tell you a little bit about myself would be hard, because I, unlike many people, know far too much about myself for it to be considered even remotely normal. In other words, if I started telling you about me, I wouldn't be able to stop.

Not to mention that everyone has a backstory that has another backstory that has another backstory and before you know it you've told someone everything about you.

So instead i'll just tell you things I know about me.

I know that my name is Conner August Beech. I know that my parents got Conner from my grandfather. I also know that they didn't want me to suffer through being 'Connor the Second.' So they changed the spelling to Conner. My mother always said it was so I was my own person. I liked it like that. I also know they got August from getting married in the month of August, and giving birth to me a year later, also in August.

I know that I love my grandmother with my whole life, and that she is my best friend. I know that my grandfather is dead, and my Aunt Ruth lives with my grandmother to help her take care of herself.

I know that I am a senior in high school, and well on my way to graduating in the top three of my class.

I know that I hate sports, and much prefer books and movies over them. I know my favorite color is orange. I know my favorite number is thirteen. I know that i'm a dog person. I know my favorite animal is a crocodile. I know what I want to be, what my aspirations are, that I'm taking a gap year, what college I want to attend, where in the world I want to travel, where I want to live, who I want to marry, how many kids I want, how many pets I want. Hell, I even know what I want the color of the trim on our house to be.

It's easy to dream this much about the future when you know you're not going to get one.

It's also easy to dream this much when you know that you're digging your own grave, and that you practically already have a foot in.

I know that I have stage two liver cancer. I know that the tumor is still developing inside of my body despite the countless hours of chemotherapy that I'm undergoing. I know that my body is shutting itself down, and fast. I know that I probably won't live a year- or even half of one beyond from where I am now. I know that my body and my spirit are both failing me.

I know that outside of my family and doctors and the school, I haven't uttered a single word about my treatment or my cancer to any soul. I really don't want people's pitying eyes on me every day while I have to stop halfway through walking up the stairs to catch my breath, or when I have to go to the nurse to lay down because I'm dizzy, or when I have to cross the classroom to throw away the hairs that have fallen out of my head.

I know I'm being selfish with it.

I know that I'm dating the best thing that's ever happened to me, also known as Orion.

I know that every time I see him, my heart beats madly. That everytime he smiles at me it's as if everything is okay again. That when he leans over and concentrates his bottom lip sticks out ever so slightly and his hair falls to his right eye, but only his right one. I've memorized every little indent of his body, and every movement he makes. I can predict what he's going to say before he even says it. I know his hopes, dreams, fears. I know him. He's familiar, comfortable.

I know that he has eyes that look like a whole painting; forest, sky, dirt and all. I know he hates his hair but it's perfect to me. Curly and out of control. I love playing with it. I know he has tiny little dimples on his back when he arches it, and I know he has a scar along his left knee from when his older brother ran over it with a razor scooter when they were kids.

I know that when Ori speaks he's usually thinking of a million other things, but only saying one of the thought on his mind. I know that he's utterly brilliant, and is two slots above me in the ranking of our class.

I know he's a dreamer, who usually acts on any impulse except the violent ones. He says what's on his mind, unless its mean.

I seriously don't even think there's a bad bone in his body. He's so kind to everyone because that's how he wants to be treated.

And he is, he's pretty popular. Not popular in the sense that he's prom king and has 2,000 instagram followers. Popular in the sense that everyone likes him. He could be around anyone in our school, and they wouldn't mind. He might not fit in with one specific clique, but he could sure hang around with any of them and not stick out like a sore thumb.

He just has no enemies. No one hates him. In the grand scheme of things, he's a lot like Switzerland.

Neutral.

I know that he hates conflict, and fighting. He's a dreamer, and a real big one at that.

Kinda reckless sometimes but his intentions are never, ever meant to hurt anyone. He just likes to explore a little bit too much.

I know that I trust him with my life, and that he trusts me with his.

I know that I would do anything to make him happy.

I know that he would still treat me as a human being even if i was bald and in a wheelchair, which I very well may be soon.

I know that he doesn't know about my cancer, because i don't want to frighten him.

I don't want him to leave me, that would break me. If he leaves me, all I'm left with is myself and this dreadful illness.

He is all I have.

I know that that is selfish, and that I'm a terrible person.

I know that I'm desperately, head-over-heels, in love with him.

And finally, I know that I am destined to break his heart.

And that's the part that kills me.