runaways

{1}

[Hadia]

Numb.

That's all I've felt nowadays. Numb and cold and most of all, annoyed.

I hated how they made me feel this way with all of their dumb rules and codes I need to follow so that I'm not a complete and utter disgrace to the family name.

Sure, maybe I'm being a tad overdramatic. Maybe I should be grateful that I have parents that care so much about me staying close to my faith. If I was anyone else maybe I'd be that perfect little girl they've always wanted.

But I'm not. I want to wear t-shirts and shorts. I want to show off that perfect caramel colored skin that stretches across my arms, legs and stomach. I want people to see the long black hair that I've been concealing under that sacred cloth for all of these years. I want to be able to go out with my friends and go to football games and parties. I want to be able to break rules and have the full high school experience.

But again, I can't. My parents watch every move that I make. If I ever wore anything less than jeans and a sweater to school they'd have my head. If I ever broke curfew or snuck out I'd never be able to go anywhere again. That's just how it is and how it always has been in my house. You'd think by now I would've come to accept it, right?

And for those of you wondering, no this isn't just me being a teenager and wanting to rebel. For the most part, I'm past that whole phase. I'm graduating high school in a few months. With how it's going I might even be valedictorian. I'm 18, I know who I am. So, no. this isn't be being an edgy teen.

This is me wanting to be free. I remember having to tell friends that I wouldn't be attending their BBQ parties because my parents were worried that their parents would feed me meat. I remember not being dressed up like everyone else for Halloween because that was the devil's holiday. I remember not being allowed to sleep over at peoples houses. I remember not being allowed to do any sports or go swimming, or being able to go out during summer at all for that matter. It was always too hot for me to go outside in my long sleeves. I remember having to stay up for hours doing homework and studying so that I didn't get anything less than an A in all of my classes.

I remember feeling trapped ever since I've been able to think for myself. I just needed one more thing to really push me over the edge so I could finally snap like i've wanted to so badly for the past few years.

Luckily for me, tonight I got just what I needed. My one final push over the edge to send me flying. One last chip before I shattered.

My mother.

We fought yet again about something small and irrelevant. And yes, in retrospect it was undoubtedly both of our faults. But we love to take out our irrational anger on one another. Tonight I was mad at her because I had told her I had plans and she had forgotten, and she was mad at me because I didn't remind her, and on top of that I was asking to stay out forty minutes after curfew.

We got in a whole slamming doors- screaming at the top of our lungs fight about it before my dad told her it was late and she needed rest. He also told me that I couldn't go out with my friends, but at that point I was find with that. I had other things to do. I sprinted up the staircase and pulled my old shabby suitcase out of the back of my closet. I began to shove my favorite clothes into it, and a handful of other necessities before slamming it shut. Then, I waited.

Its now nearly 2am. My parents are definitely sound asleep but I couldn't stop the ideas running through my brain. I was sat on my bed with my phone, wallet, charger and all of the money I had clutched in my left hand. Looking down at the stuffed suitcase at my feet I took a shaky breath and rose to my feet. I reached my desk and snatched the lanyard with my car keys on it. I added the spare house key to it, just in case I really got second ideas about this and I needed to let myself back into the house.

With that I picked up my suitcase and began to carry it bridal style out of my room and down the stairs (just so that my parents wouldn't hear it rolling, by the off chance that one of them was awake.)

When I got to the base of the stairs I set the suitcase down and stopped in front of the garage door, my hand hovering over the knob. I stared at the entry way to the house I had been living in for the past eighteen years of my life. I had so many memories here, good and bad. Like when I had my 16th birthday party. or when I had my first sleepover. I fought with my mom once here and she slammed a plate down so hard that part of the countertop had chipped off.

I abandoned the suitcase and moved over to the island, looking for the chip in the counter. Once I found it my finger traced it over and over again. Did I really want to do this? Run away and never look back? Is that really who I am?

A noise from the doorway startled me and I whipped around only to find out that it was just my old cat, Jas. I let out a sigh and bent down to pick him up. Making a final choice I unlocked the garage door and threw my suitcase into the backseat of my car. I set Jas down in the passenger seat before I locked the house up and sank into the driver's seat.

The question popped up again in my mind. Did I really want to do this or was I just upset?

I glanced beside me and saw a picture of my mom, dad and I in the front of my wallet. I had on that stupid fake smile, and not a spot of my skin was showing outside of my face and hands. I looked miserable.

I shoved the key into the ignition and shifted the car out of park.

Hell yeah, I was doing this.