Imprudent Youth

eleven

oh dear god this is long overdue

so. hi.

let's just get the big stuff out of the way

1) About a week ago I moved out of state. I started school Wednesday. Everything is crazy and I'm a little lonely and all that Jazz.

2) I had my first kiss this past summer. Holy fucking shit. Absolutely DISGUSTING. THIS WEBSITE HAS LIED TO ME ABOUT FIRST KISSES. I EXPECTED MAGIC. NO. BULLSHIT. JUST SALIVA. DISGUSTED.

anyway,,, more on the kiss later,,,

I haven't used Wattpad in forever oh my god!! I feel extremely old now even though I'm not over 21. That's when I suspect you're supposed to start feeling old, or at least older. I guess I haven't been able to formulate words or writing for either this book or my memoirs, which actually takes time to write a whole chapter and publish?? Either way, it's been quite some time and I actually have felt like a newer person as of lately??

Moving has been something my families been trying to do forever now. My dad has had a job out of state for about a year now and we fiNALLY were able to move to that state. I had to let go of a lot of people and a lot of memories, expectations, and maybe even dreams I had where I used to live. I always knew I wouldn't graduate from my old school but it still hurts a lot to leave only two months into this school year. Despite this, I think I'll do exceptionally well here, even if it'll take more time to grow accustomed to how this district works.

I have been looking for excuses for being a better person and living a better life and moving has basically been, it. Now that it's happened, I Stuart feel like I'm working to be better. It's hard, yes, and I'm lazy about it, yes, but I can't wait for the future to unfold. It's only been about a week but big things are going to come.

NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH¡

I have, as of lately, been kind of in between feeling good about myself and just letting myself get stuck in my thoughts. I haven't had a depressive episode in about two months (not meaning I don't have depressive thoughts here and there) and my anxiety has been better, but there always that underlying fear that something won't go the way I hoped and I'll just tumble again. I admitted a lot of mental health problems to a really good friend of mine before I moved and that felt..very very relieving. It almost made me want to have a therapist or psychiatrist or someone that can not only listen but give thorough advice and analyze what I say. I don't know, just a thought. It's been really wild and I'm glad that I've been feeling better.

I hope everyone and anyone who reads this starts having some good days, or keeps having good days. They sometimes feels few and far between, but I've been treasuring them more and more, and I promise you, they're so worthwhile.

Thank you for reading. I'll be back soon.