The Roommate

Steve

Steve knew something happened last night. There was a different mood on Saturday morning. You were silent but nervous. Steve could tell by your restless leg.

"Did last night go okay?" He asked softly and saw you gulp.

"Bucky and I kissed," you blurted out and sighed with relief. Steve chuckled a bit and that made you feel...silly. "I'm sorry,"

"Why are you sorry?" Steve focused on his coffee while taking a sip, hoping you'd give him some sort of hint.

"I don't know. It was just a spur of the moment thing. We tried getting free dessert, it's a whole story," Steve didn't like seeing you embarrassed so he gave you a reassuring rub on your arm, "I crossed a line and I just don't feel...right. I didn't want to hide it from you," you admitted.

"It's alright," Steve said but he wasn't sure if he believed it, "let's get lunch today. Just you and me,"

"I actually need to go grocery shopping if you want tag along," you suggested, "we can get lunch while we're out."

"Sure."

*

"Do you like pesto?" You asked.

"I'm indifferent to pesto," Steve smiled at these small moments between you two. He's never really had anyone besides Bucky to stay with him. He genuinely liked spending time with you. He liked eating breakfast with you, he liked watching TV with you and just being close. He hasn't really allowed himself to be close with someone in ages. "Oh no,"

"What?"

"Hold my hand quickly," you didn't think twice before doing it.

"Wait why are we-"

"Steve? Hey," a light haired woman approached us.

"Hi Karen! Nice to see you, how are you?" Steve had let go of your hand and placed it on your waist pulling you in slightly.

"I'm doing good," Karen had given you a soft but insincere smile.

"Oh sorry you haven't met my...girlfriend," Steve introduced you and the two of you shook hands lightly.

"Nice to meet you," you smiled back. A bit confused at why you were playing your part. Maybe this was the girl Steve loves. An ex that he regrets breaking up with, trying to make her jealous.

"Nice to meet you too," she politely responded, "I better get going, I'll see ya later,"

"Bye," you responded as she walked off and Steve just nodded.

"Sorry if I overstepped," Steve had turned you with both hands on your hips.

"She's turned the corner now Steve," you swallowed the courage that was telling you to leap forward and kiss those pink plump lips. Steve did the same and let you go.

"Lunch?" Steve cleared his throat. It was clear the tension had risen between you two.

"Yeah, let's go pay."

*

"So is she an ex?" Steve was next to you on the couch. You two decided to make lunch at home. You didn't feel like being out any longer after seeing Karen. She had the whole girl next door vibe and her strawberry blonde hair made her seem really sweet and just perfect. There's no way you can even compare yourself to her.

"Who?" Steve was really confused by the question.

"Karen," you felt awkward talking about it but you really needed to know how he feels about her...because he's your friend.

"Oh. Yeah. She um..." he trailed, playing with this thumbs. Your hand cupped his.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I know more than anything talking about an ex is painful," you released your touch but Steve took it back.

"He had affair. I think you're off the hook," Steve teased then licked his lip, "Karen and I had a messy relationship,"

"But you're still in love with her?" You questioned. Steve did a double take.

"What? No. No way. Why would you think that?"

"Don't tell Sam but when I had his phone the other night I saw a glimpse of a message from you saying that you loved someone. I'm sorry I shouldn't have looked. It's someone at work though isn't it?"

"Work? No,"

"Then who? Why have you been working so much?" Steve's palms seemed to be leaking. And no matter much he wiped them, they just seemed wet. Then he noticed it, the quivering lip, the deep breathing and desperate eyes; you liked him too. So he went for it. He kissed you. In broad daylight. Because he loved you. The realisation washed over you once you separated. "Oh," no emotion. Just shock.

"Oh?" Steve's heart sank again. You chose Bucky.

"I just-I-" you took a deep breath. You felt really guilty but really good at the same time. And for some unknown reason you did it again. There was this force pulling you towards him and he happily reciprocated. The kiss was desperate and needy like if you didn't have each other you'd combust. His hands explored down your back and held you tight. Things didn't escalate though. As much as you wanted to finally feel that release you and Steve separated and said nothing. Steve searched for answers in your eyes but found nothing. You stood up slowly and tried coming up with something to say, it wasn't until Bucky came through that you jumped and decided to go to your room.
You avoided the boys over the next few days. Both tried talking to you but you were always on your way out or going to bed. A whole week passed before they confronted you and the only reason that happened was due to Sam.

"Ah. Right," you took a deep breath and sat down at the diner in the free seat next to Bucky.

"Sorry girl, but you all need to talk. I'm tired of them calling me every day," Sam left quite casually. So all that was left was you and your roommates. They wanted you to go first and it took awhile to get some words out but you did.

"Onion rings?"

Bucky rolled his eyes, "come on doll. Tell us why we haven't seen you all week,"

"Steve and I kissed," you admitted but Bucky didn't blink an eye.

"I know,"

"You know?"

"He told me and its okay. We kissed..twice."

"You kissed twice?" Steve's voice broke but then he shrugged, "not important."

"Look, Steve and I both have feelings for you and we figured if we just let you do your own thing you'd realise that maybe one of us was worth dating," Bucky breathing was a bit ragged but he's glad he finally told you. You looked down in shame. You felt terrible but you really enjoying kissing both of them.

"I don't know-" you cleared your throat,"I don't know what to do," you swallowed the tears down.

"I guess we're just asking you..do you feeling anything for either of us?" Steve's tone was sympathetic.

"Yes of course I do," the boys sighed with relief, "but I don't know...who. I've been living with you for 5 months now and I really appreciate the both of you but I'm not healthy enough," you paused, trying to find he right words and trying not to sob, "I'm not healthy enough for either of you. I'm too broken and honestly I don't get it. I don't understand how you can feel the way you feel for a person like me," you couldn't stop the tears now. Steve had the privilege of hugging you with comfort. He knew this wouldn't work out, Bucky had more hope than Steve. Bucky genuinely thought you'd still be in their lives when they told you but it's not like you wanted to move. You just needed time.

"Um," Bucky gulped and shook his head trying not to cry, "I get it. It's okay. We-we love you and we want you in our lives but yeah we understand," Bucky cleared his throat and put on a brave face, "you need time and space."

"No," that surprised them, "I'm not going to run away. Just give me a day? I'll um-I just need to process everything,"

"Sure,"

"Of course," Steve rubbed your back.

"I might be home late. I'll see you guys," you squeezed Steve's hand and Bucky's shoulder on your way out.