The existing non-existing girl

2

Chapter 1

Light found its way through the curtains and with naughty and humorous intentions, it spread across the room, in hope to wake up the couple who was soundless sleeping in their bed. Dan, completely oblivious from the child play, kept snoring, lazily snugged and warm within blankets but Genesis just pretended, as usual. She could feel the exhaustion breaking her bones and squeezing her heart but yet she couldn't drift into a profound sleep, someone guilty could never sleep.

Genesis could feel her daily irritation boiling in her blood already and she knew, within ten minutes, Dan would wake up and approach her as always, with the usual speech, worried eyes and disappointed voice. Then, she would, at some point in the next hour or two, jump out of the bed, walk downstairs, and face her two kids, in the kitchen, eating their breakfast before running straight to school, completely ignoring her. She used to drive them to school every day, but now, she doesn't drive anymore, her guilt wouldn't let her. She doesn't trust her driving skills since she hit that little girl but her family doesn't believe the reason for her new way of life is enough. They all don't understand her.

As expected, Dan stretched and welcomed a quieter breathing, one that would irritate Genesis much less. He moved around the bed as if he was the only one owning it and grumbled unspecifically and for Genesis, quite unwanted noise. He then cuddles her and kissed her side temple.

"Good morning, love. I am about to get to work. Want to go downstairs and help me do breakfast for the kids?"

"Not today but maybe tomorrow." She answered, closing her eyes again while hearing his disappointing sign. She felt him get out of the bed and get clothed, leaving without a second word. Genesis waited. She kept facing the ceiling while her husband ordered the kids around, telling them to get dressed, hurry up, brush their teeth, wash their faces and do well at school. She finally left the bed when the front door closed and then her self-destructive routine started.

She walked, almost dragged, herself to the bedroom's en-suite. Genesis splashed herself with water on her face and observed the other person facing her on the other side. She wondered if the other woman felt as trapped as her, as lost or as guilty.

Looking closer, it was impossible to miss the severe late nights, dehydration and loneliness that would fill those eyes, paint those dark circles, and draw the premature wrinkles that shouldn't be already there or at least... that shouldn't be so evident.

Genesis smiled without meaning it and reached for the other side, touching her cold reflection who so perfectly mirrored her lack of sanity. She felt like laughing, breaking everything around her, letting out her anger for everything she couldn't understand. For everything, she couldn't reverse. But she restrained herself, as always, and instead, she dried her face and walked downstairs. Her kids were already eating breakfast, and even though they could feel her presence, they did not acknowledge her. Preparing her morning black coffee and chocolate chips cookies, she reached out for the first drawer and took out a lighter, reviving something that was created only to harm. She inhaled and welcomed her beloved poison to fill her lungs, while her youngest son holds his breath and put on an uncomfortable face.

"What is it Johnny?" she asked with a bored tone but the youth refused to talk, still holding his breath. "Jonathan," she demanded whilst the boy was turning blue. Her gaze then fell on her oldest son, confused, who responded, almost against his will.

"Johnny learnt at the school that smoking provokes cancer and can kill you. He has been paranoid ever since." he looked at his sibling, a flash of panic reaching his eyes while his posture remained the same. "Quit it," he begged, silently.