Lady Of Wrath

Prologue

"Chris why aren't you eating anything?"  Maa said with a scowl on her face. She hates it when we waste food. She has always taught us that there are people out there who don't have enough food on their plates and if we have the privilege of having our plates full we should be grateful for that, not waste what we are given.

But how can I eat with her on our family table knowing that Julie's chair is empty and I'm the sole reason of her not being here with us. 

The things I have done to her and the words that I have said to her haunts me. I can't get rid of my guilt. I just want to burn it all, burn it until there is not a shred of past left, not a shred of my guilt left.

Maa doesn't say but I know that she miss her too, every fucking day. Her silence only adds more weight to my guilt. How can she not miss her, Julie is a part of her. Her own flesh. 

The sorrow in maa's eyes eats me alive. Knowing that I'm the one who divided our family, maa told her to leave because of me. My sister wasn't at fault at that time but I was. Maa didn't trusted her, I didn't trusted her. She begged me to believe her but I didn't. 

She begged us to believe~

It's been four years since she left home. I looked towards her empty chair, sometimes it feels like she's going to come downstairs from her room, shouting on top of her lungs for us to don't start eating without her because Jack's going to eat her share of cake too. Sometimes it feels like she never left, she's with us. Everything in this house reminds me of her and why not, she was the one who decorated everything.

I don't know how to put it in words but it's just a twins thing and in my case it's a triplets thing. Not knowing where she is and what is she doing haunts me. It leaves me restless. It's like an important part of me is missing.

You know we don't realize our mistakes until it's too late. And now when we have realized that how wrong we were it's too late. We have lost her.

We have lost Julie.

"I'm full maa." I replied not looking at her. 

"Your daddy won't be home until tomorrow so I was thinking that if both of you are free you can stay here until he is back. It have been months since the last time we have spent some time together." Maa asked with desperation evident in her tone, completely ignoring the fact that I have barely touched my food. 

Finally I looked at her face. 
She was looking at me and Jack with hope and why wouldn't she! Jack and I loathe to come to our childhood home. We rarely visit. Jack doesn't come because of his anger towards maa and me. And I don't visit often because everytime I came here the weight of guilt on my shoulders becomes almost unbearable. It's like someone has tied a noose around my neck. I'm unable to breathe under the same roof I have grown up.

Jack is my brother who is currently sitting with mom, unaware of the guilt that's eating me alive. Jack, Julie and I are triplets. When we were young mom always told us that she knew that I and Jack were going to come in her life but Julie was an unexpected gift from God to her. Mom thought she was pregnant with twins because Julie was a wee babe probably hiding between her brothers. So when Julie came in this world she became a gift for all of us. She was cherished by everyone. We never let her out of our protection, not even for a second but know she's not with us anymore. We have no idea where she is, it's like she had cut us out of her life.