i h**king hate stuart little

in the kitchen

I threw my school bag onto the floor, after 7 hours of that goddamned school. I signed in relief, knowing the day was over. However, I immediately remembered about my shit ton of homework.

"FUCK". I yelled.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP IM TRYING TO STUDY FOR THE BITCH ASS TEST", someone on the floor above me screeched.

I began pulling out my worksheets and laptop, until I saw the shit I left on the counter when I was high and wanted to bake cream puffs. "Fuck homework, I'm gonna bake", I thought to myself.

I pull out a pot and got to work.

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After piping the cream puffs onto the baking sheet, I put the tray into the oven, then begin making the custard. I crack the eggs into the bowl delicately, I gently pour in the milk, then proceed to add the dry ingredients. I pour the contents of the bowl into a small saucepan, and leave it to simmer.

While reading my favorite book, Fortnite Battle Royale Guide Book: Learn the Tips and Hacks to Make It to the Final Kill, I hear a light splash in the direction of the stovetop, along with retarded, high pitched screaming. 

"FUCK IT BURNS FFIC HELDP SKSNSKSKA AAAAAAA OH GOD OH FUCK SHIT FUCK HELP", I hear from the pot. 

I slowly peer over to the pot, looking at it from above. I see a small white mouse rat thing, in my underdone custard.

"You goddamn bitch, you've ruined my fucking custard." I yell at it. 

I pull the mouse out of the custard, and throw him in a pot of ice water. Once his burns are temporarily soothed, I pull him out of the water and begin to question him.

"Ok you fucking cumslut, what the fuck were you doing around my custard?", I yell at him. 

"Before I answer any questions, I should introduce myself. I am Stuart Little, and I am a wanted criminal banned in 4 countries. I've been hiding in this shitty dorm, because you're the only one with food that isn't Top Ramen or Kraft mac and cheese."

"What the fuck did you do to be banned n shit" I asked. 

"I raped and murdered a fuck ton of dudes on grindr, I traveled to Nigeria and went to a village to eat all their fucking food, I'm responsible for several terrorist attacks, I assasinated John F Kennedy, and a ton of other shit. By the way, I have a deal with George Little and he's not gonna be happy if I don't deliver his speed on time. Toodles fuckface." He said.

Immediately after finishing his sentence, he put on a MAGA hat and scurried across the table, until I grabbed the fucker by the tail and threw him back into the custard pot. Unfortunately, the custard had cooled, and Stuart was able to easily climb out. He ran behind all the fucking snacks my fatass roomate owns, and I lost him. 

I groaned in frustration, then turned around. Before I could process what was happening, a knife flew into my face, killing me instantly. 

Stuart jumped to my limp body on the floor, and T-Bagged me.

THE END