Train of my emotions

PART 2

The abscence hurts
The silence is disturbing
The disturbing abscense
Making it hard for me to breathe

The sound of my breath
Giving me chills for the heat
Feeling someones presence
But no one I see

I look around
Paranoid fom the silence
I’m looking all around
Quickly while hiding

I cover my head
Inside the folding of my arms
Looking down
Into the darkness that’s my charm

My charm of blindness
My charm of relief
My charm of safety
My charm of defeat

I hear a whisper
Turning into a sound
I look up
To notice no one is around

Staying as still as i can
As quiet as I could
I look straight
Help me, I wish someone would

Closing my eyes again
I sit back on the chair that stands
To relax my mind
Hoping for it to all end

Half a minute goes by
Silent and free
Until I hear the voice again
And it makes me freeze

I pay no mind to it
It will go away and leave me
As soon as this ride is over
From everything, I will be free

The noise gets closer
I hear it on the side of me
I continue to ignore
Putting this problem behind me

It travels from my side
Now it is right in front of me
Wondering in my mind
Why does it keep coming back to me?

I hesitate to open my eyes
Trying to ignore it
Continuing repedeatly
I cannot defeat it

I slowly open them
Reassuring myself its nothing
Thinking in the back of my head
That this could be anything

This old train
The beat up rails
I am unsure, but everythin3g about this seems strange

My eyes are open
Something completely scares me
A reflection of my face and body
In front of me closely, and staring at me

His eyes wide open
His scream terrifying and loud
His breath in my face
In his echo of screaming crowds

I blink fast
Ten seconds, hoping he goes away
But no matter how much I do it
He continues to stay

My heart is racing
My mind is pacing
Fear around the corner
Fueling trauma for my life it is chasing

He reaches out to me
Then he grips my shoulder
Staring at me with a smile
Please let this be over

He looks at me with a straight face
His eyes with my face he is stalking
I start to look forward
As he begins to start talking

“Do you miss me?
Because I miss you
Why did you change?
What have you turned into?”

“You used to be a person
I deeply admired
Now you are part of another life, and I wish yours would retire”

“This life you have now, this is not yours.
Open up your eyes, focus so you can see more”
I look to the side
The silence in pauses making me uncomortable
My body is in a deep freeze
Of this, I cannot take anymore

“Hey!
I’m talking to you
I know you hear me.
Why do you have to be so rude?”

“Look at me
Look at you
What we've become
Because of what you’ve turned to”

“CARLESS AND FEARLESS
TURNING YOUR BACKS ON THE ONES YOU LOVE
YOU HAD THE WORLD IN YOUR HANDS
BUT I GUESS NOW YOU WEAR GLOVES”

“YOU FEEL THE WEIGHT
BUT NOT ON YOUR RAW PALM
YOU HAVE NO CARE FOR ANYTHING
BECAUSE ALL YOUR FEELINGS ARE GONE”

“What’s wrong?
You don’t seem so calm now
I wonder what happened
Can you feel what made you numb?”

“Has your mind become dumb?
Too dark to see the sun?
Too dull to have fun?
So from everything, you just run?”

He continues to talk
As I am still frozen
My hope of getting out
Turned to faith from lost hands

I don’t recognize these hands anymore
The way the touch me does’t feel the same anymore
I have lost the feel I loved
Help me get back what I once had before

I know i’m still here
I know there is still more
I have to dig deeper
Into the deepest of my core

“I know what happend
I know what’s wrong
You still have feelings
Because you can’t feel the numb”

“You disguise your emotions
Your feelings aren’t gone
Wanna know why?
Because you’re scared of the numb”

“You’re scared of the numb
Youre scared of the numb
Youre scared of the numb
Youre scared of the numb”

He continues to repeat it
As each time he gets louder
The famliar in his voice
I can feel the power

He starts screaming it
As he grips me harder
Then he releases a little
As he leans into me closer

He begins to chuckle
Looks away then looks at me
He begin to smiles
Staring dead at me

“You’re not scared of the numb
The numb is scared of you
I can’t believe what I’ve done
I can’t even stand to look at you”

“Out of all people
I thought you were the strongest
Guess I was wrong
You have became my weakness”

“Used to be bliss
Now you are shit
Wanna know what else you are?”

(comes closer to my ear and whipsers as my head is down and my eyes are closed and i’m shaking while still and breathing slow)
“You are someone I regret, and forget”

I hear a sound of wind
As a breeze hits my face then gone
Then I look up and open my eyes
To notice I am gone

I scream again
Out of the truth that has been told
My lies have been exposed
I am no longer left bold

As I blink hard and hold it
My screams turn into a echo
Hearing silence from afar
After the echoes of my scars

I look around fast
In all different directions
Until all sound is gone
In the train, I am the only one left in

I look forward
Hoping to not see him again
Blink, then open my eyes
To the bedroom i’ve been hiding in

None of this was real
It was all in my head
Nighmares in a dream
From the old me that is dead

Dead to him
Dead and free
Dead to everyone
But who wishes they would come back?

Who wish they hadn’t changed?
Who wish they stayed the same?
Who wants to escape the prison
Their mind that is inside their brain?

Who wants to feel complete?
Who is trapped in live decease?
Who is the person that I need back the most?

ME