Hey so. It's been a long ass time so I'm sorry about that and you should expect updates/possibly new stories within the next few months but let me explain a bit. This may be triggering so if you don't wish to read it just know I am doing much better and I'm recovering from a very long and severe battle with mental illness.
ALSO- if you'd like to keep up with my life and my recovery or if you wanna be friends my instagram is thatoneboy2100 and my Snapchat is heyitstris2100
I've been dealing with mental health
issues since I was like 11 or 12 and I'm 17 now so quite a while, however 2017 forward was when I finally started to get the proper treatment. Basically last October (2017) my dad kicked me out and I moved in with my mother. I was really struggling at this time. I was dealing with anorexia, hallucinations, really low lows, self harm, anxiety and depression. One night my best friend (who is now my partner 💙) was worried for my safety and called the police. I was in the emergency room for 48 hours then I was admitted to the Brattleboro retreat in VT and I was there for a few weeks. This was the first of 5 inpatient hospitalizations I've had in the past 12 months. In March I was put on Risperdal, it's an antipsychotic and it caused me to gain a lot of weight and I was hungry all the time. Around this time I stopped restricting as much and started purging. It wasn't "that bad" at first but over the summer my life completely fell apart. I lost everyone and everything. What was once something I only did when I ate a lot or felt particularly guilty became something I did every day. It only progressed from that point and by September I was purging every single thing I was ingesting including liquids. My potassium and electrolytes were extremely low and I was always sick and dizzy, my teeth are fucked up and my stomach still hates me. I had lost control of everything including myself. I was constantly suicidal, constantly self harming, constantly hiding and crying and numb. I wasn't eating or sleeping and I hit rock bottom. I hit the same point I was at when I was 12 and in the worst situation of my life (r*pe,abuse,neglect etc.) so on September 21st I checked myself into the ER for (hopefully) the last time. I was at a state hospital and it was actually extremely helpful. I was there for just under a month. Upon discharge I was admitted to a partial hospitalization program at CEDC (Cambridge eating disorder center) over the past month I've been working extremely hard on following a meal plan and listening to my body and being positive. I've been working really hard on myself and it's paying off. I've been relapsing less and less, I have more hope, more life, more motivation. I'm lighter and happier and more carefree. It's like thousands of pounds have been lifted off my shoulders and everyone is noticing. I have spent years on rock bottom, feeling like I was drowning, like I was dying. I have spent years buried so deep in self hate that I forgot how to breathe and finally, finally I'm not drowning anymore. I can move, I can breathe and I'm fucking crying writing this because I never thought I could make it through this but I am. And I am fucking proud of myself. Recovery is always possible, I promise 💖
